Happy Mothers Day to all mothers wherever you are in the whole wide world! I’m very fortunate I still have my mother, and no matter how much we disagree on things, I still love her the same

Orang kata, mujo emak masih ada…!  I’m fortunate that my mother is alive and  doing well, living her life to the fullest.

On that note, I want to share a simple but sweet story I came across on the concept of “mujo”…

Mujo or mujur in Standard Malay language means “fortunate” or “lucky”.

In Terengganu it means more than that. Mujo is an attitude, a testament to the optimism of the Terengganu folks. I believe that Terengganunese are optimistic. I haven’t heard of any suicides there yet. No news whatsoever of people jumping down from coconut trees or drinking expired budu (preserved anchovy thick sauce) neat in order to expire themselves.

You must remember that Terengganu people lived with ferries, morning papers that came in the night and other things people in the West Coast take for granted. In spite of doing without 4D shops, discos, malls or Hot Spot-enabled coffee houses, they are surviving well without any mental hospital in sight. All because they have mujo.

Like I mentioned previously, mujo encapsulate a philosophy in itself. It means one should thank God that it is not worse. Time for an illustration.

Cut to a scene of 3 village ladies in their kemban washing clothes by the village well:

Mok Long Selamoh: Guane doh adik mung Mek? (How is your brother Mek?)

Mok Teh Som : Bakpe pulok adik dia? (What happened to her brother?)

Mok Long Selamoh:  Laaa! Mung dok tau ke Som? (You don’t know Som?)

Mok Teh Som : Dok tau setarang kita. (I don’t know anything)

Mok Long Selamoh:  Adik Mek ni kena langgor lori kemareng. (Mek’s brother was knocked down by a lorry yesterday)

Mek Beso :  Bukang lori Mok Long, beng ikang! (It wasn’t a lorry Mok Long, it was a fish van)

Mok Long Selamoh:  Mujo bukang lori! (Lucky it wasn’t a lorry)

Mok Teh Som : Pah tu? Terok ke? (Then? Was he seriously injured?)

Mek Beso : Kaki patah sebelah……(One leg was broken)

Mok Teh Som :  Mujo dok patoh dua dua (Lucky both legs weren’t broken)

Mok Long Selamoh :  Tu pong mujo dreba beng dang brek. (It was lucky that the van driver braked in time)

Mek Beso : Mujo beng tu dok laju.. (Lucky the van wasn’t going fast..)

(Fade to black.)

If both legs were broken, the response would be “Mujo dok pecoh pala” (Lucky the head wasn’t broken). If the head WAS broken, the response would be “Mujo dok mati” (Lucky he didn’t die).

If the worst happened and the brother died, the mujo would still surface. “Mujo lah bukang adik kita” (Lucky it wasn’t my brother).

You get the drift…..

Mujo. A nice word. Adopt it. Embrace it. It will preserve your sanity.

Happy Labor Day! If you’re driving out of town, be extra careful on the road, especially after reading this piece of article. I find this really hillarious…and amusing coming from a foreigner’s perspective

What are roads in Malaysia used for?
by David Astley, an British/Ozzie guy!! now living in KL

A guide for expatriate drivers in Malaysia. Since arriving in Malaysia in 1997, I have tried on many occasions to buy a copy of the Malaysian road rules, but have come to the conclusion that no such publication exists (or if it does, it has been out of print for years). Therefore after carefully observing the driving habits of Malaysian drivers, I believe I have at last worked out the rules of the road in Malaysia . For the benefit of other expatriates living in Malaysia , and the 50% of local drivers who acquired their driving licences without taking a driving test, I am pleased to share my knowledge below:

Q: What is the most important rule of the road in Malaysia ?
A: The most important rule is that you must arrive at your destination ahead of the car in front of you. This is the sacrosanct rule of driving in Malaysia. All other rules are subservient to this rule.

Q: What side of the road should you drive on in Malaysia?
A: 99.7% of cars drive on the left hand side, 0.2% on the right hand side, and 0.1% drive in reverse (be on the lookout for drivers reversing at high speed in the left hand lane of freeways, having just missed their exit). Therefore on the basis of ‘majority rules’, it is recommended that you drive on the left. However, be aware that only 90% of motorcyclists travel on the left hand side – the other 10% ride in the opposite direction or on the sidewalk. Fortunately, motorcyclists traveling in reverse are rarely seen.

Q: What are the white lines on the roads?
A: These are known as lane markers and were used by the British in the colonial days to help them drive straight. Today their purpose is mainly decorative, although a double white line is used to indicate a place that is popular to overtake! .

Q: When can I use the emergency lane?
A: You can use the emergency lane for any emergency, e.g. you are late for work, you left the toaster plugged in at home, you are bursting to go to the toilet, you have a toothache or you have just dropped your Starbucks coffee in your lap. As it is an emergency, you may drive at twice the speed of the other cars on the road.

Q: Do traffic lights have the same meaning as in other countries?
A: Not quite. Green is the same – that means ‘Go’, but amber and red are different. Amber means ‘Go like hell’ and red means ‘Stop if there is traffic coming in the other direction or if there is a policeman on the corner’. Otherwise red means the same as green. Note that for buses, red lights do not take effect until five seconds after the light has changed.

Q: What does the sign ‘Jalan Sehala’ mean?
A: This means ‘One Way Street’ and indicates a street where the traffic is required to travel in one direction. The arrow on the sign indicates the preferred direction of the traffic flow, but is not compulsory. If the traffic is not flowing in the direction in which you wish to travel, then reversing in that direction is the best option.

Q: What does the sign ‘Berhenti’ mean?
A: This means ‘Stop’, and is used to indicate a junction where there is a possibility that you may have to stop if you cannot fool the cars on the road that you are entering into thinking that you are not going to stop.

Q: What does the sign ‘Beri Laluan’ mean?
A: This means ‘ Give Way ‘, and is used to indicate a junction where the cars on the road that you are entering will give way to you provided you avoid all eye contact with them and you can fool them into thinking that you have not seen them.

Q: What does the sign ‘Dilarang Masuk’ mean?
A: This means ‘No Entry’. However, when used on exit ramps in multi-storey car parks, it has an alternative mean! ing which is: ‘Short cut to the next level up’.

Q: What does the sign ‘Pandu Cermat’ mean?
A: This means ‘Drive Smartly’, and is placed along highways to remind drivers that they should never leave more than one car length between them and the car in front, irrespective of what speed they are driving. This is to ensure that other cars cannot cut in front of you and thus prevent you from achieving the primary objective of driving in Malaysia , and that is to arrive ahead of the car in front of you. If you can see the rear number plate of the car in front of you, then you are not driving close enough.

Q: What is the speed limit in Malaysia?
A: The concept of a speed limit is unknown in Malaysia.

Q: So what are the round signs on the highways with the numbers, 60, 80 and 110?
A: This is the amount of the ‘on-the-spot’ fine (in ringgits – the local currency) that you have to pay to the police if you are stopped on that stretch of the highway. Note that for expatriates or locals driving Mercedes or BMWs, the on-the-spot fine is double the amount shown on the sign.

Q: Where do you pay the ‘on-the-spot’ fine?
A: As the name suggests, you pay it ‘on-the-spot’ to the policeman who has stopped you. You will be asked to place your driving licence on the policeman’s notebook that he will hand to you through the window of your car. You will note that there is a spot on the cover of the notebook. Neatly fold the amount of your fine into four, place the fine on the spot, and then cover it with your driving licence so that it cannot be seen. Pass it carefully to the policeman. Then, with a David Copperfield movement of his hands, he will make your money disappear. It is not necessary to applaud.

Q: But isn’t this a bribe?
A: Oh pleeease, go and wash your mouth out. What do you want? A traffic ticket? Yes, you can request one of those instead, but it will cost you twice the price, forms to fill out, cheques to write, envelopes to mail, and then three months later when you are advised that your fine was never received, more forms to fill out, a trip to the police station, a trip to the bank, a trip back to the police station, and maybe then you will wish you had paid ‘on-the-spot’.

Q: But what if I haven’t broken any road rules?
A: It is not common practice in Malaysia to stop motorists for breaking road rules (because nobody is really sure what they are). The most common reasons for being stopped are:
(a) the policeman is hungry and would like you to buy him lunch;
(b) the policeman has run out of petrol and needs some money to get back to the station;
(c) you look like a generous person who would like to make a donation to the police welfare fund; or
(d) you are driving an expensive car which means you can afford to make a donation to the police welfare fund.

Q: Does my car require a roadworthy certificate before I can drive it in Malaysia?
A: No, roadworthy certificates are not required in Malaysia. However there are certain other statutory requirements that must be fulfilled before your car can be driven in Malaysia. Firstly, you must ensure that your windscreen is at least 50% obscured with English football club decals, golf club membership stickers or condo parking permits. Secondly, you must place a tissue box (preferably in a white lace cover) on the back shelf of your car under the rear window. Thirdly, you must hang as many CDs or plastic ornaments from your rear vision mirror as it will support. Finally, you must place a Garfield doll with suction caps on one of your windows. Your car will then be ready to drive on Malaysian roads.

Q: What does a single yellow line along the edge of a road mean?
A: This means parking is permitted.

Q: What does a double yellow line along the edge of a road mean?
A: This means double parking is permitted.

Q: What does a yellow box with a diagonal grid of yellow lines painted on the road at a junction mean?
A: Contrary to the understanding of some local drivers, this does not mean that diagonal parking is permitted. It indicates a junction that is grid-locked at peak hours.

Q: Can I use my mobile phone whilst driving in Malaysia?
A: No problem at all, but it should be noted that if you wish to use the rear-vision mirror to put on your lipstick (women only please) or trim your eyebrows at the same time as you are using a mobile phone in the other hand, you should ensure that you keep an elbow free to steer the car. Alternatively, you may place a toddler on your lap and have the child steer the car whilst you are carrying out these other essential driving tasks.

Q: Is it necessary to use indicator lights in Malaysia?
A: These blinking orange lights are commonly used by newly arrived expatriate drivers to indicate they are about to change lanes. This provides a useful signal to local drivers to close up any gaps to prevent the expatriate driver from changing lanes. Therefore it is recommended that expatriate drivers adopt the local practice of avoiding all use of indicator lights. However, it is sometimes useful to turn on your left hand indicator if you want to merge right, because this confuses other drivers enabling you to take advantage of an unprotected gap in the traffic.

Q: Why do some local drivers turn on their left hand indicator and then turn right, or turn on their right hand indicator and then turn left?
A: This is one of the unsolved mysteries of driving in Malaysia.

Who will he choose? For the longest time, Uthman Huzir, or Uth, a bookstore associate finds it difficult to make his choice when it comes to the love of his life. Should he choose The Love or The Other Girl or The Old Flame? This dilemma suffocates him and is turning his life around totally 360°. He never asked for all this to happen.

He only yearns for The Love, and everything about her. Still, the situation becomes more complicated. There is still The Other Girl and The Old Flame…and himself. His dilemma continues, The Other Girl pursues him. The Old Flame wants him back. The Other Guy wants The Love. How can he solve the jigsaw puzzle? Worse, he is wondering what love means and how does it feel. Is what he feels for The Love is really love?

Hehehe this is a synopsis from the novel LUVE by Pingu Toha which I have just finished reading over the weekend.

It’s a complicated love story written in an uncomplicated manner. It’s like reading one’s thought, blog style. This captivating and intriguing love story kept me turning the pages.

For a week I was really looking forward to finishing work early so that I can start reading. For a week, I was deprived of my 6-7 hour beauty sleep, and spent less time hanging out with my friends. I even refused dates because I wanted to read. Ha-ha! I’m rather selfish with my time and space, aren’t I. Ha-ha! No wonder I’m still single!

You know, except for literature materials like Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa and Hikayat Hang Tuah which are my favorites, I hardly read that many books in Bahasa Melayu. This is especially true about books that are very “jiwang” that I can puke and exaggeratedly too flowery and chronically melancholic.

When the content begins to hijack the content, I tend to lose the story in the between, somewhere along the line. Ha-ha! I sometimes blame it on my short memory and attention span, and sometimes on the writer.

So for a novel like LUVE to have such an impact on me, I must say well done, kudos to the author, Pingu Toha for spinning a complicated web of humorously touching and bewitching love story!

Back to the story, I can connect to the book because when I think deeper, I’m like Uth when it comes to interpreting love. Do I know what love really means and how do I know if what I feel is really love? There is no empirical evidence to prove that it is love. Love is so hypothetical that there is no one definition that aptly describes love for what it is.

My love story sometime ago was a little like Uth’s love story in LUVE. Like Uth, I yearned for The Love, but there was always The Other Girls who are younger and gorgeous pursuing him. I, believing in Blue Ocean Strategy, wouldn’t compete with other fishes if I didn’t think I have a good chance to win. I would rather swim away and find a less complicated fish in the Blue Ocean that would love me. The Other Guy whom I was not very keen with and really isn’t my type, is relentlessly pursuing me. The Old Flame, whom I’m not in love anymore, wanted me back somehow for whatever reason. The Self was in a dilemma. Ha-ha!

Now, a little twist to The Story….

The Crush entering the state of affairs was such a welcome diversion….a commercial break. When things became overly complicated with so many players in the drama, I sought comfort from The Best Friend.

Ooopss! It seems that my love story was a tad bit more complicated and intricate than Uth’s love story huh!

I believe that when C. Collodi wrote “The Adventures of Pinocchio”, he was not kidding about the fact that Pinocchio’s nose actually grew longer whenever he lied. The author did actually do his homework, well, either that or it was just a fluke.

Do you know that it is a fact that one’s nose can actually enlarge slightly when the person is intentionally lying – I mean “The Malicious Lie” as opposed to “The White Lie”.

On that note, I would like to share with you an interesting fact that I have learned from the book I am reading right now, “The Definitive Book of Body Language” by Barbara & Allan Pease.

According to Barbara & Allan Pease, Scientists at the Smell & Taste Treatment & Research Foundation in Chicago found that when ones lies, chemicals known as catecholamine are released, causing tissues inside the nose to swell. They even used special cameras that show blood flow in the body to reveal that intentional lying also causes an increase in blood pressure. This technology indicates that the human nose actually expands when a person is lying – this is known as the “Pinnochio Effect”.

Increased blood pressure inflates the nose and causes the nerve endings in the nose to tingle, resulting in brisk rubbing action to the nose with the hand to “satisfy” the “itch”.

So be wary if someone constantly touches his or her nose (unless he or she is having sinuses or allergies) when having a conversation with you.

Here is another give away from the interesting book – do you know that a man’s penis also swells with blood when he tells a lie?

As the authors suggested, perhaps the Grand Jury should have pulled Bill Clinton’s trousers down instead, during his famous trial some years ago.

As for the current situation in Malaysia, there are too many examples for me to mention without getting myself into trouble with the law of the land. I value my freedom. So, let’s not go there. Ha-ha!

I have come to understand that the world is nothing but illusions. Everything is an illusion, everything except for God, that is. The universe exists in the way we see it because we created it to be such. There is no absolute truth in this world. If perception is reality, then truth changes as our reality changes. What we see as truth, reality and existence depend on what we look for.

As the saying goes, everything looks like a nail to someone with a hammer in her hand. If I’m looking for love, everything will look like love to me. I would be caught unaware when the man is playing with my heart (and sometimes my money). Ironically, the heart knows this, but the mind refused to listen to the heart. Because the mind wants to be right, even when the heart knows it’s not the right thing to do. Thus, I ended up being a fool for love.

The mind plays tricks on you, so listen to your heart, as my beautiful German meditation teacher Anna Kaster always tells me. Perhaps Anna is right. My intuition comes from the heart. Listening to my heart (and my intuition) is what will save me at the end of the day.

The great Roman leader Julius Caesar once said, ‘Experience is the teacher of all things.”

Indeed, experience is a great teacher, because we learned the lesson after getting the test. Now that I’m more experienced, mature and wiser, I’d like to share with you lessons that I have learned from being a fool for love:

• If a man is not enthusiastic about calling me often, then I should take a hint that he’s not that into me. Otherwise, he would be finding ways to connect with me – there’s the phone, e-mail, yahoo messenger, car, bike, plane, boat, bus, LRT or beam me up Scotty (ha-ha).
• If a man doesn’t answer my calls after dark, or on weekends, and keeps giving me excuses about not being able to spend time with me on weekends, then he is most likely not available – either he is already married, or is seriously seeing someone or is seeing so many other women as in he’s a player.
• If a man doesn’t want to call or be called, it’s not about connectivity. If there’s a will, there’s surely a way to call and to pick up calls, and not dishing out stupid excuses such as his phone went out of battery (duh, every night and every weekend?) or there is no mobile network coverage at his house. Everything is about connectivity this millennium, unless you live in the jungle, deep rural area or mountain top.
• If a man doesn’t give me 100% attention on our date, as in answering calls (doesn’t matter if it’s personal or business unless it’s a matter of life and death) or replying text messages, then he doesn’t value me enough to make his time spent with me as precious moments.
• When I’m in a relationship, if a man is not generous with me – then there’s a strong chance he’d be even more “kedekut” when and if we get married later. If he expects me to pay for our dinner especially on a first date, then I should forget about him.
• If a man I’m in a relationship with borrows or asks money from me for whatever reason, then there’s a strong possibility he is just using me as a financial bridge during his hard times. I should relook at what he wants from me in the relationship. Is he after my money? Is it the prospect of me as his financial fallback plan?
• When I’m in a relationship, if I seem to be more emotionally enthusiastic about him than he is about me, then the state of emotion in that relationship is not balanced. So I should take it as a hint to leave the relationship where only one party is winning the game and the other is losing out.
• If a man wants to get intimate so early in a relationship, then there’s a strong possibility he thinks of me as more of a conquest, rather than a life partner material. Red alert, he may be a horny pig. I should look at what the relationship is based on. Is it lust or love?

1.    Drink plenty of water.

2.    Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar

3.    Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

4.    Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy

5.    Make time to practice prayer, meditation and yoga

6.    Play more games

7.    Read more books than I did in 2008

8.    Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day

9.    Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minutes’ walk every day. And while I walk, I will smile.

11. I won’t compare my life to others’. I have no idea what their journey is all about

12. I won’t have negative thoughts or things I cannot control. Instead I will invest my energy in the positive present moment.

13. I won’t overdo. I will keep to my limits.

14. I won’t take myself so seriously. No one else does.

15. I won’t waste my precious energy on gossip.

16. I will dream more while I’m awake

17. Envy is a waste of time. I already have all I need.

18. I will forget issues of the past. I won’t remind my partner his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin my present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. I won’t hate others.

20. I will make peace with my past so it won’t spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of my happiness except me.

22. Realize that life is a school and I’m here to learn.

23. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons I learned will last a lifetime.

24. I will smile and laugh more.

25. I won’t have to win every argument. I will agree to disagree.

26. I will call my family more often.

27. Each day I will give something good to others.

28. I will forgive everyone for everything.

29. I will spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

30. I will try to make at least three people smile each day.

31. What other people think of me is none of my business.

32. My job won’t take care of me when I’m sick. My friends will. I will stay in touch with them.

33. I will do the right thing!

34. I will get rid of anything (or anyone) that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

35. I will trust that GOD heals everything.

36. I will have faith that however good or bad a situation is, it will change.

37. No matter how I feel, I will get up, dress up and show up.

38. I believe that the best is yet to come.

39. When I’m awake alive in the morning, I will thank GOD for it.

40. I believe that my Inner most is always happy. So, I’ll be happy J

American essayist and nature writer, Maurice Setter (1817-1862) once wrote: “Too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting gold.”

Maybe that’s why I kept missing the train when it comes to relationships, and I find it difficult to fall in love because I was hoping to find someone who has the right chemistry. Perhaps, the right chemistry is something we develop as we go along?

I was having a conversation on this with a chat friend, Roadrunner some time long ago. He didn’t agree with me totally. He said, “I thought so but might not always be true. There are instances when the attraction is mutual immediately but it is how the relationship develops later that will depend on other factors. But expecting or waiting for such things is a futile effort. Attraction can be instant but friendship takes time.”

Roadrunner said: “Ahh…life is like that. When you like someone, they don’t like you. When someone likes you, you don’t like them. I have always thought that the chance of both liking each other is so remote. But when things come together, you wonder how, through all the improbable circumstances, you could actually meet and find each other. It is as if fated. Sometimes it is when you least expect it.”

I thought aloud, “So, it’s just like expecting gold.”

To which Roadrunner retorted: “Don’t stop expecting gold. Just don’t expect platinum…”

One day, Plato asked his teacher, “What is love? How can I find it?”

The teacher answered, “There’s a large wheat field in front. Walk there without turning back, and take just one leaf. If you can find one leaf that you think is extraordinary, it means you have found love.”

So Plato walked…and not long after that, he came back empty-handed.

The teacher asked him, “Why, you don’t bring any leaf?”

Plato said, “I can only bring just one leaf and when I walked through the wheat field I can’t turn my back. Actually I have found one extraordinary leaf, but I don’t know whether there’s any other leaf more extraordinary, so I didn’t take that leaf. When I walked further, I realized that the leaves I found are not as extraordinary compared to the leaf I’ve found earlier in my walk. In the end, I didn’t take any single leaf.”

Then the teacher told him, “So…that is love.”

Another day, Plato asked his teacher again, “What is marriage? How can I find it?”

The teacher answered, “There is a forest in front. Please walk there and don’t look back. You can only cut one tree, and cut the one that you think is the highest. That is when you find marriage.”

Plato walks there, and he came back not long after bringing one tree. The tree, however, is not a very good tree and not a very tall one, either. It’s just an ordinary tree.

The teacher asked him, “Why did you cut that kind of tree?”

Plato answered, “Because from my previous experience, after walking through the wheat field, I came back with nothing. So this time, when I saw this tree which I think is not so bad, I decided to cut it and bring it here. I don’t want to lose another chance to get it.”

And the teacher said, “Well …that is marriage.”

Penglipur Lara’s Thots:

The more you look for love, you will find nothing. Love is in your heart, when you can control your desire and your hope to find something better. When you have endless hope and wish of love, you will only get emptiness…because you won’t get anything and time cannot be turned back. Accept love for what it is.

Marriage is a continuation of love. It’s a process of having chances, and you choose the best option among all the alternatives. If you want to have a perfect match and a perfect marriage, you will only waste your time, because there is no perfect marriage.

I confess. I like to be right. Sometimes, my desire to be right brings me a lot pain. This is especially so when it comes to men, and my man nonetheless.

I have an ideal of the man who’s right for me. He has the right look, height, level of intellect, personality, academic and social background. He must have a good sense of humour. He is very loving, caring and romantic. He is a good kisser and is great in bed.

Having just turned 20 (plus 18 years) 10 days ago, and thus leaving my giggly teen years behind (hehehe), I’m no longer naïve and innocent. This idealistic girl has grown into a realistic woman.

I hate to be wrong. Nevertheless, it is very clear to me that I have been wrong for many years about the “right man”.

Being idealistic, I was misled by my ridiculous ideals of my youth. As Homer (Greek author of Iliad and the Odyssey) puts it, in youth and beauty, wisdom is but rare. Opportunely I landed on earth before I start to drift away aimlessly into outer space.

Humbly, now I confess my ideal man doesn’t exist.  This explains why I keep ending up with the “right man” who treats me wrong, and the “wrong man” who treats me right.

As my German yoga teacher, Anna Kaster always told me, the mind will play tricks on us.  The mind will rationalize everything we feel, and hijack our intuition which comes from the heart. 

My failed marriage was an example of this intuition hijacking. When I was young and foolish, I followed my mom’s advice to marry a man for his future. I picked one of the best in my college; he was intelligent, articulate, good looking, tall and charming. He was not rich but his future looked promising. So yes, I married a man for “his” future and not for “our” future.

Before our wedding I had this strong intuition to not go on with the wedding plans because something was terribly wrong. I was right about my intuition; The Ex-Hubby made a woman in Sandakan pregnant, he found out just a month before marrying me.  He kept it a secret from me for seven years.  My disillusioned mind was far from fetching this intuition, so I ignored that sinking feeling and carried on with the wedding. The wedding cards have been sent out after all.

Now that I’m older and wiser, I’m going to listen to my heart and follow my intuition, especially when it comes to my man.  I won’t marry a man for “his” future, because how would I know what he’d be like in the future and what his future would look like. Who can really tell what the future looks like? 

I’ll marry a man for “our” future, a man who is willing to build a future with me. Whatever that future is going to be, we will stick together and build it. Till death do us part, I hope.

I confess. I am a Latte Activist. That means, I care enough to want to make a difference, but I am not willing to take an effective action that would create results. 

I would rather have someone else take the lead and drive the change. Then I would support from afar and pray that things would change for the better. I would share my frustrations with my other Latte Activist friends while we sip hot latte over brunch at a coffee bar on a Sunday morning.

I care about my country, my community, my environment and my fellow countrymen. I care enough to feel for them. I care about stuff I read in the newspapers.

When I see more good news than bad news in the newspaper, I am inclined to blame the government for the country’s lack of press freedom and freedom of speech. Being the wary Latte Activist that I am, I would assume this is just another public relations exercise by the Government to make the powers that be look good.

But then again, on the other side of the green grass though, I become fearful when I see too much of bad news all around the world.

Yeah, politics, sex, war and crime move the newspapers at the news stand.  

Politicians are openly scandalous and scrupulous. Snatch thieves are becoming more rampant, committing crime in broad daylight.  People are being murdered every day, by robbers, by money lenders, by strangers, by scorned lovers, by enemies, by spiteful friends, by family members. Newborn and unborn babies found dead in garbage bins or dumped from some apartment upstairs along with other garbage.

Sodomy, incest and rape cases are becoming our society’s daily piece meal. The other day I read about this monster dad who raped his teenage daughter twice. To add salt to the wound, his teenage son followed in his footstep and raped the poor girl too. Man has turned into animals!

Talk about animals, some people is far worse than animals. Recently, I read about city hall’s dog catchers who were ill treating the stray dogs and one was reported for cruelly beating a dog until the poor animal’s ear fell off.  Catch the stray dogs if you have to, but please be more humane in treating animals. What happens to humanity?

This borderless world is getting restless too. As if our impending financial crisis is not enough to complicate this world. I was just about to digest the news of the unrest in Thailand, and boom, just this week militant terrorists have taken hostage innocent civilians in two luxury hotels in Mumbai. The terrorists killed 143 and wounded 288 of them before the siege ended yesterday.

Looking at mankind’s cruelty to man, animals and our environment, I would be angry if I were Mother Earth. So, is it a wonder why we are experiencing natural disasters every other day – earthquakes, tsunamis, landslides, forest fires, tornados and volcano eruptions?  

Come to think of it, this Latte Activist is tired of reading the newspapers. Ignorance is bliss, right? Hmmm…I wish!

Was it Steve Jobs or Bill Gates who told a story in a commencement address that life is about connecting the dots?

I think it was Steve Jobs, but regardless of who said that, I believe he is absolutely right. He also said that you cannot connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.

Relating his concept to my own life story, when I look back at everything that has happened in my life, every event and experience actually prepared me for things that will come later in life. As every soul has a story to tell, so let me tell you my story.

When I was a student at San Jose State University in California, USA, I worked 40 hours a week, doing three part-time jobs to supplement my government scholarship because I refused to ask for money from my parents.

Not that the scholarship money could not get me by every month, but it was not enough for the life I imagined to live. I wanted a better quality life, even as a student – so that I did not have to share a one bedroom apartment with four to six other students, and to have money to travel the vast American continent.

I was a lot younger then; and I was a bundle of energy, passion and resilience.

Imagine this. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I would work at the faculty coffee house on the campus, which helped me got to know my lecturers better. I would say that was quite a strategic job.

Although I was just a cashier on Mondays and making sandwiches on Wednesdays, I developed good rapport and made friends with people who determined my grades in class, by serving people with my heart and soul. Believe me, there were dollops of love layered in between my sandwiches.

My classes were mostly on Tuesdays and Thursdays in stretches of three hours each class and would last from early morning to late evening. That way I would be able to work for a full day at the faculty dining room on Mondays and Wednesdays. Friday mornings would be spent on my research works at the library or studying at the beautiful rose garden at the campus.

On my working days, I would study at the library or at the employees locker room between my shifts at the faculty coffee house. During my one hour lunch and dinner breaks I would have a quick bite of sandwich or chips, read San Jose Mercury News and Spartan Daily and then reviewed my course works.

That was a tight schedule, but miraculously I somehow managed to balance everything well. Although I did not make it to the Dean’s List or the Honor’s Roll, I successfully graduated with a good hard-earned CGPA that I can be proud of.

On Friday evenings, I would work at the campus pub and restaurant serving pizza, pasta, chicken wings, chicken chops, lamb chops and steaks to both the faculty and the students.

At the pub and restaurant, I would spend six hours waitressing from 6:00 p.m. – either running around taking orders, serving food and beverages, bussing tables or washing dishes – to closing at midnight. From my job, I made many friends and developed social skills.

After finishing work, I would cycle almost two miles to get back to my apartment. During the colder seasons, I would leave the bicycle at home and walked because it was too cold that my upper and lower teeth would grind against each other amidst the blowing wind.

I was fortunate that my university provided campus police escort to walk me home safely. By the time I reached home, it was already way past 1:00 a.m. I was tired but happy.

I was a lot younger, and I was a bundle of energy, passion and resilience. So, most mornings I would spring out of bed, raring to go for the day.

There were some mornings, however, I woke up thinking, do I have to work again today? Nevertheless, when I thought about having to share a one bedroom apartment with four to six other people, and not having enough money to travel, I would get up and be raring to go again!

Having worked hard for the money during the weekdays; I would usually keep my weekends free and easy. Most weekends were spent studying and doing research. Some weekends I spent recuperating, sleeping in for half the day or bumming around in my apartment watching cable TV endlessly as I did not get to watch TV during the weekdays.

Some weekends, I socialised with the nine other Malaysians, some Singaporeans, Indonesians and a number of other foreign friends whom I got to know from campus and at the pub and restaurant. We would have either a barbecue cook out and picnic or went cross country horse riding at Alum Rock Park, which is San Jose’s first and largest park.

Some weekends I spent on the air, flying in a two-seater airplane which my flight-instructor-in-training classmate and I chartered for two hours. Thanks to my three jobs, I could afford this experience.

Some weekends, especially when the weather is hot, my friends and I would drive two hours up to Reno where there’s snow all year round. We would roll in the thick snow; throw snowballs at each other and tried our hand at snowboarding and skiing (at the beginner’s slope that is).

Some weekends my friends and I drove to the nearby cities where there were Malaysian communities – half an hour to San Francisco, an hour to Oakland, two hours to Sacramento, four hours to Fresno and eight hours to Los Angeles.

Some weekends, because of the opportunity to make more money, I worked at the campus stadium serving hotdogs, nachos and chips to spectators at the football games or rock concerts. Some weekends, I worked as a catering wait staff, serving faculty guests, including politicians, and corporate figures.

I remember thinking how nice it would have been to be in the customer’s shoes instead of being in a waitress’ shoes. Omigod, my good feet were killing me! Well, some days. Now that I am in the customer’s shoes, doing a lot of entertaining for my job sometimes, it is now more like, “Omigod, my good food is killing me!” You know what I hated most about being a waitress?

1. Those table numbers. I never did remember all of them. It took me weeks on the job to figure out how the numbering system works. In the first month, I managed to screw up a number or orders because of it. I eventually learned, the hard way.

2. Those stupid uniforms. The light blue t-shirt, navy blue baseball cap and navy blue apron my supervisors at the stadium made me wear. I thought of the uniforms as an opportunity cost because they repelled many cute guys at the stadium. They were so ugly; I would never want to be seen dead in them.

3. Being mistaken for a Hispanic. Because I had tan from swimming almost every day at the campus aquatic centre on my way home from class during spring and summer, I was being repeatedly mistaken for a Hispanic by some customers, and having to tell them that I do not speak Espanola.

By the way, now that I am back home in Malaysia, I became so fair skinned due to the lack of sunlight having worked in the office from sun up to sun down every day.

Nonetheless, I am grateful for my experience as a waitress. Because I was once in the waitress’ shoes, I have learned a great lesson in humility that has stayed with me in life. Ah well, you may agree or disagree that these are not strategic jobs, but I certainly did learn some good lessons and achieved a thing or two.

1. My biggest achievement of all time: not dropping a single plate or drinking glass or piping-hot pizza or pasta on an angry customer or anywhere near in my over two years of being a waitress.

2. I realised that a tip of a few dollars will not make me rich but it was still something for me to be happy and excited about at the end of the day, back then. The biggest tip I got was 20 bucks and that felt like a lot of money at that moment.

Because of this, now I make it a point to leave a tip, particularly when the waiter or waitress went the extra mile in serving me. I once left a tip of 20 bucks for a waitress who was pregnant and she actually ran out from the restaurant to catch me and thank me for the tip. That was really touching, how a little something can create a lot of things. I would never forget that moment.

3. I have learned that a hungry man is an angry man indeed. If an order is late or is wrong, a customer can sometimes become an irritated “curse-tomer”. I must remember, I was dealing with hungry people after all. So I better not make them angry. Because of that, now I become more sensitive and responsive of the people I serve, like my bosses and my customers.

4. I have learned that a sincere “thank you” or a small compliment from my customer or my boss really made my day. Today, I make it a point not to forget to say my thanks to people who serve me.

5. I learned some words in Spanish because of the customers who kept speaking Spanish to me. Now when I think of the Hispanic actress Salma Hayek, I really did not mind being mistaken for a Mexican Bonita like that gorgeous woman.

6. I learned from the cook how to make good pasta! Not only that, I also make excellent shepherd’s pie, according to my friends, that is.

7. I learned how to set a proper table for a formal dinner and what fork to use for what dish and in which order. This knowledge is very useful when I need to entertain people or attend formal functions.

8. I learned that no matter how rich your parents are, there is no greater satisfaction than earning your own hard earned money.

Oh well, I was a lot younger, and I was a bundle of energy, passion and resilience. Today, many, many moons later, I am not as young as I once was; but be rest assured that I still am a bundle of energy, passion and resilience. My battery is still ever ready, and it keeps going and going.

Most mornings I would spring out of bed, raring to go for the day. Some mornings I woke up thinking, do I have to go to work again today? However, I also learned that 99% of the time, the results I created in my life are about the choice I made and the effective (or ineffective) action I took on that choice.

So when I thought about the hard work I endured being a waitress and student, and how far I have come to be where I am today, I would get up and be raring to go again.

I would like to dedicate an Al-Fatihah to a friend who died in a fatal accident middle of last week.

It was so tragic, and such a tragedy because it was not his time yet. That was what I thought when I heard about his sudden passing. Not that I know when his time was supposed to be up, anyhow.

I was in denial because I felt he was too young to die. He was not only a good friend, but a good man. He was sincere, very helpful and always made time for people. So perhaps that is why people say, “the good die young”.

My deepest regret in our friendship is not spending time to have that chat over coffee with him for the last time before he died.

My friend and I talked about having that chat over coffee for quite some time. Rather than seizing the day, being spontaneous, going for it and making it a certainty, we were always planning for that chat over coffee whenever we talked on the phone. In the end, what has yet to happen will never happen, and that, I know is a certainty.

I did not expect he would die so soon. I did not know that his tomorrow never came, so that opportunity to have that chat over coffee with him is lost forever.

Anyway, yesterday is past. Tomorrow has not arrived. Today is here, so it is the only real moment that we have. As we do not know if we would still be alive tomorrow, today is beyond doubt a priceless gift because we are alive today. Because today is a gift, it is not an irony it is called the present.

Today I would like to make a difference to those of us, including myself, who keep thinking that we have that many tomorrows such that we keep postponing important things in life that matter more to us, because of what we are busy with today.

Really, have we ever sat down and think if the things that we are busy with today are what matters most just before we die? There are many things that people are busy with. I would like to take money as an example, because many people I asked rate money as very important in their lives, and spend a major part of their time and energy making money for themselves and for their loved ones.

Stop for a minute and think.

We work so hard for money – for some, to sustain our living, for some, to improve our standard of living, for some, as a means to an end so they can enjoy life better, and for some, to create wealth or to create more wealth.

Whatever our reasons, considerations and justifications are, most of us work so hard for money, so much so that this colossal effort we put into making money are taking us away further and further from the very thing we work hard for in our lives.

God intended to give us 24 hours a day so that we have eight hours to make a living, eight hours to build a life – religion, self, family, friends – and eight hours to rest and sleep. Do not let our extreme “busy-ness” keep borrowing many hours from the quality time we were meant to spend for all the things in life that really matter to us.

For the most important things in life, if we can do it today, why postpone until tomorrow. Do it now, do not wait until later.

Let us build a life, not just make a living. Appreciate the present moment.

My mother and I hardly agree on anything. In fact, we disagree on almost everything. For as long as I can remember, my mother and I have been like the opposite poles of a magnet. North Pole and South Pole. Hot and cold. Mountain and valley. High and low. Night and day. Black and white.

I did not understand the reason why we resisted each other until I attended a workshop on communication behaviours and styles recently. I now understand the way we interact with each other is just a product of our communication behaviour. There are four communication quadrants that determine our communication behaviour and styles. Some people are controllers, some are analysers, some are promoters and some are supporters. I now recognise it is just a different way of communicating.

Being in quadrant neither makes one right nor wrong and neither makes neither one a good nor a bad person. Each of us all is different, just like the weather. As English writer, John Ruskin puts it, “Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating. There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”

On that note, someone old and wise told me once, that the day I forgive my mother is the day I grow up. It has taken me so long to come to THAT day but thanks to this workshop, I am glad I arrived before it is too late. I want to acknowledge my mother by writing about her for the whole world to know, while she is still living to read what I wrote about her. I do not want to miss this train.

My mother and I may have many disagreements between us. Despite all that melodramas, I still think of my mother as the best mother in the world. My mother calls me her favourite daughter. It is very gratifying to know that, regardless of knowing that I am, in fact, her only daughter. Even so, I will return the flattering compliment with equal devotion. She is my favourite mother, even though I know she is the only mother I have.

What I remember most about my mother is her hands.

My mother’s hands are not the most beautiful hands I have seen – they are short, thick, meaty and square. Nevertheless, I know those hands are the pillars that nurtured and strengthened me. These are the hands that rock the cradle. These are the hands that made my life beautiful.

These are the hands that cooked my favourite dishes. These are the hands that pat me on the back when I was being a good girl. These are the hands that spanked me when I misbehaved. These are the hands that assuaged my fears when I was afraid. These are the hands that held me tenderly and protected me from harm. These are the hands that wiped my tears when I broke down and cry. These are the hands that assured me when I felt vulnerable.

I know that I was always in the best care when in my mother’s hands.

The more I think about my mother’s hands, the more my love grows for my mother. Through those hands, I understand humanity – of love, of care, of responsibility and of accountability. Those are the hands that taught me the meaning of sacrifice and compassion. Those are the hands that showed me how to be charitable to those in need. Those are the hands that inspired me to make a difference in the lives of others.

These are the hands that made me what I am today. These are the hands that moulded me into a good girl and steered my journey in becoming a great woman.

When I held my mother’s hand yesterday before I kissed her good night, I suddenly remembered these beautiful song lyrics by Debi Smith from the “Four Bitchin’ Babes” album:

When I saw my mother’s hand,

I have my mother’s hands

And I have my mother’s voice

And I have my mother’s eyes,

Though I have a daughter’s choice

I thought I carved my own life

In unknown, uncharted lands

I never thought I’d look down and see my mother’s hands. I wanted to be my own self I thought I knew it all

I’d stomp and buck and whinny, like a young colt in a stall

And I bet I was a handful, thought I didn’t understand

I was always in the best care when in my mother’s hands The other night I lay dreaming that my mother held my face

She kissed me on the forehead

And then she took her place

Among the mothers and the daughters

In the ever-changing sands

One by one their time had come when they’d soon understand

They all had their mothers’ hands

Yes, I realised now that I too, have my mother’s hands. My own hands remind me of my mother’s hand. When I look at my own hands, I see the same short, thick, meaty and square shape. I used to hate the shape of my hands because I had wished for long and slender hands. Now I have come to love my hands now because they look like my mother’s hands, and I now understand what my mother’s hands mean to me.

As I look at my own hands, I learned by heart the contours of my mother’s hands. As I my hands touched my heart, as my mother has touched my heart, I know I am my mother’s favourite daughter, as much as my mother knows that she is my favourite mother.

I never thought I would look down and see my mother’s hands – and my mother’s strength, dexterity, and resourcefulness – in my hands. I made a promise to my mother that I will use the power of my hands as well as she used hers. With my hands, I will carry the torch of my mother’s love, compassion, passion and dreams.

From her heart, through her hands, she shares her love. And with my heart, through my hands, I share my love.

The last three months of my life is full of phenomenal transformations. I sailed five days through a tear-jerking self-discovery programme in the Basic Training at AsiaWorks.

I explored another five days of breaking through imaginative possibilities in life in a breakthrough programme called the Advanced Course that puts me on contract with myself to be a loving, passionate and powerful woman.

I am now barely four weeks into my 90-day journey in an outrageous and unreasonable leadership programme that taught me to be so madly in love with my goals. Through it all, I discovered something very profound, and something so simple, and yet so complex. This treasure that I have discovered is called unconditional love.

Unconditional love is an inexhaustible treasure because the more I give, the more I get. Like trust begets trust. Animosity begets animosity. Love begets love. I see unconditional love as an uninhibited way of being, as it allows me the freedom to go beyond my perceived limits and break that glass ceiling.

Having experienced unconditional love, I believe that it’s the greatest power known to human beings. Unconditional love transcends our thoughts and feelings. Unconditional love creates boundless, creative, imaginative possibilities in life. If I can dream it, I create it and make it happen.

I discovered that for the major part of my life, I have missed out on the simplicity of unconditional love. I missed the point because I was busy thinking more than feeling. I was busy rationalising rather than enjoying the moment. I was busy thinking about my next step rather being in the present.

During my Advanced Course, I got to do a stretch where I managed to create a relationship with a total stranger and I had only two hours to accomplish it. I began by approaching two people on the streets of Bangsar and one of them was running from me thinking I was selling something to him.

It was not working for me in the first half hour, because I was busy thinking of the results, and not my “being” with people. On the verge of giving up, I just walked about and I thought nobody would know if I skipped this assignment anyway.

Then, I saw this old Indian woman in her 80s walking alone along the street in front of Bangsar Village II. Somehow, my heart went out to her for no apparent reason. I was compelled to go to her. She was moving away from me at first, but I was persistent in keeping close to her.

As she was about to cross the street, a car suddenly came out from a corner, and I grabbed her hand before she could take another step. She did not say a word but I saw gratefulness in her eyes, and I had what I had with only that. We made a connection, and that was the starting point of my relationship with her. With a new found trust, she held my hands as I walked her safely across the street.

When she asked me to join her for lunch at her favourite restaurant, I jumped with joy at the opportunity to get to know my new found friend. So, we broke bread together as I listened to her story. After our lunch, she asked me to walk her to her house at Jalan Telawi, so I did.

At her house gate, the unexpected event happened. Tears welled in her eyes as she said to me, “Please come by and visit me sometimes. My children are living far away, and I feel so lonely sometimes. It’s been a long time since someone had listened to me and walked hand-in-hand with me like you did.”

I nodded to her as I took the piece of paper where she wrote her phone number for me. I hugged her and kissed her soft cheeks before I walked the streets of Bangsar again and back to my car. Since that day, I have come back to visit her at her house and walk with her to her favourite restaurant. I look forward to visit her again soon.

From this experience, I had learned that unconditional love is indeed a fertile seed. It means, how unconditional my love is, would be evident in how I show up in the world with others. Unconditional love is about giving unconditionally. The more I give unconditional love to the people around me, even to a stranger on the street, the bigger the seed of love grows in my heart.

Unconditional love is about expecting nothing in return when you give love to someone. To illustrate my concept, let me share another story.

A deep conversation I had with an old friend, Rush, from my university days had left a profound mark on my thoughts. We were talking about a mutual friend who was getting married. As love and marriage goes together like a horse and carriage, the topic had digressed to a much larger concept than marriage itself – LOVE, that is.

Rush thought that love just rolled down at our mutual friend’s feet, unlike for him, it’s an uphill task – he felt he’s not good enough. I disagreed, knowing this is just his belief, not a fact. People sometimes say, “Stop looking and love will find you”. But I also hear another school of thought that says, everyone has to look for his or her other half, because love, like a good fortune doesn’t just roll down at our feet.

Another friend once told me, “There’s no such thing as Mr. Right”. To which I agree, because there is only the right chemistry between two people, who will just have to make things go right. We must never look for Mr. Right. Instead, look for someone who feels right for us, makes us feel alright, and makes us feel that being with him is the right thing to do.

From this “right” relationship, what should evolve is “unconditional love” for each other. I believe this selfless thing is what you call true love – very rare indeed and I do envy those who found it.

I believe selfless unconditional love can only be achieved if you have emotional maturity and emotional independence where you don’t need someone to make you happy or unhappy. So, that way, when you love someone, it is only to make your other half happy – not the other way around. You see, most people find her other half hoping he can make her happy. That is the problem!

To which Rush replied: “Damn! Well said. Hit me straight to the heart. I guess I should really learn how to actually give first before I can receive.”

Selfless unconditional love may sound idealistic because people are selfish and has no sincerity in love. They expect to be loved before they can fully give love.

It’s like, if he or she loves me, then I’ll love her back. Otherwise forget it.

I believe that if one falls in love, then one just falls in love. There is no “IF” for love is an absolute sum game. It takes great strength to give absolute unconditional love.

Most people fear their love will not be returned, so they would rather not give at all. But they forget to give Shakespeare some credit – better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all. I think if your love is returned, you’re most fortunate – it will be the greatest gift to be shared between two people. But if you’re unlucky, then consider it “sedekah” or goodwill.

Just like a fruit bearing tree will only bear new fruits once it sheds off the fruits, love is only love when you give it away. Unconditional love is all about abundance, not about scarcity. You don’t lose anything by giving love unconditionally. You gained by having a bigger heart.

Ever heard that popular adage, “it’s never over till the fat lady sings”? Coined by a sportswriter and broadcaster Dan Cook, it was a form of self-assurance (or in denial) in the face of long odd, often muttered when things look grim.

That reminds me of that day two years ago when everything looked a little grim for me. I shouldn’t feel that way, but I couldn’t help my tears when I heard that The Ex-Husband had recently remarried.

I heard he went to Manila in the Philippines to marry The Other Woman. From what I know, they had been having an affair since the year before he left me five years ago. He must be in love with her for remaining with her for those many years, because his two other extra-marital affairs only lasted a month or two.

Jogging down the memory lane, five years ago, I was terribly devastated and deeply hurt by his betrayal. It was my fault that my entire universe revolved around him. When he had forsaken me without a word, except for a short sms to tell me that our marriage was over, I was so devastated, especially after reading what he wrote to in his break-up e-mail to me. He said that his ideal has changed. I was his ideal. Suddenly he realised I was no longer that.

My entire universe collapsed in a heap before my eyes. I really thought I would die of a broken heart. But thankfully, I didn’t die, although at that time I wished I did. Looking back, it was ridiculous to think that I was almost suicidal. I am glad I survived. That was a blessing. Still is.

Nonetheless, I still am a little hurt by how he disposed off me after all these years, perhaps because he is still very much a part of me. I know that because I cried myself to sleep after hearing that news of him remarrying two years ago.

As Sheryl Crow sang, “first love is the deepest, first cut is the deepest…” He was after all my first love, and my first cut.

I guess I had not really let go of him two years ago. Tell me this, how can I throw away 15 years of my life with him, of which seven years I was married to him? That is like almost half of my life. I would be suffering from serious amnesia if I did!

I had not dislodged him from my heart, and it felt like that irritating little fish bone that got stuck in my throat. That was perhaps one of the reasons why in the last few years I could not commit 100% to a relationship with another man.

Not until two years ago, when I realised that I must let him go. I realised that what I should be looking for was not his replacement, and even my ideal, or Mr. Right as people call it, as I have learned from my ex-husband that ideals do change sometimes. There is no Mr. Right; I am just looking for my other half.

I thought, and still think that things would have been a lot easier for me, if The Ex-Husband was man enough to give me a proper closure in ending our marriage. The Ex-Husband never once told me in person he was sorry for what he did to me. He just wrote a two liner apology in a festive greeting card sent to me via the snail mail. Just saying sorry to me in my face would make a big difference to me by leaps and bounds. I guess his ego is thicker than The Great Wall of China.

Guess what, “it’s never over til the fat lady sings” no more. I am not a sore loser. I may lose in this game of love with him, but I did learn great lessons.

Nonetheless, like energy, love cannot dissolve, it just evolves…

So, because we were together for a good 15 years and half of that time I was married to The Ex-Husband, my love for him has grown to become somewhat unconditional, so it cannot be undone. The old love that used to be, had evolved into another form. I would like to eventually call it friendship, and as a friend, I am happy that he is happy with his choice. I’m happy that he has found his ideal, whatever that means. Honestly, I really am.

Belated congratulations, darling!