Monthly Archives: April 2009

The Love, The Other Guy and The Old Flame

Who will he choose? For the longest time, Uthman Huzir, or Uth, a bookstore associate finds it difficult to make his choice when it comes to the love of his life. Should he choose The Love or The Other Girl or The Old Flame? This dilemma suffocates him and is turning his life around totally 360°. He never asked for all this to happen.

He only yearns for The Love, and everything about her. Still, the situation becomes more complicated. There is still The Other Girl and The Old Flame…and himself. His dilemma continues, The Other Girl pursues him. The Old Flame wants him back. The Other Guy wants The Love. How can he solve the jigsaw puzzle? Worse, he is wondering what love means and how does it feel. Is what he feels for The Love is really love?


Hehehe this is a synopsis from the novel LUVE by Pingu Toha which I have just finished reading over the weekend.

It’s a complicated love story written in an uncomplicated manner. It’s like reading one’s thought, blog style. This captivating and intriguing love story kept me turning the pages.

For a week I was really looking forward to finishing work early so that I can start reading. For a week, I was deprived of my 6-7 hour beauty sleep, and spent less time hanging out with my friends. I even refused dates because I wanted to read. Ha-ha! I’m rather selfish with my time and space, aren’t I. Ha-ha! No wonder I’m still single!

You know, except for literature materials like Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa and Hikayat Hang Tuah which are my favorites, I hardly read that many books in Bahasa Melayu. This is especially true about books that are very “jiwang” that I can puke and exaggeratedly too flowery and chronically melancholic.

When the content begins to hijack the content, I tend to lose the story in the between, somewhere along the line. Ha-ha! I sometimes blame it on my short memory and attention span, and sometimes on the writer.

So for a novel like LUVE to have such an impact on me, I must say well done, kudos to the author, Pingu Toha for spinning a complicated web of humorously touching and bewitching love story!

Back to the story, I can connect to the book because when I think deeper, I’m like Uth when it comes to interpreting love. Do I know what love really means and how do I know if what I feel is really love? There is no empirical evidence to prove that it is love. Love is so hypothetical that there is no one definition that aptly describes love for what it is.

My love story sometime ago was a little like Uth’s love story in LUVE. Like Uth, I yearned for The Love, but there was always The Other Girls who are younger and gorgeous pursuing him. I, believing in Blue Ocean Strategy, wouldn’t compete with other fishes if I didn’t think I have a good chance to win. I would rather swim away and find a less complicated fish in the Blue Ocean that would love me. The Other Guy whom I was not very keen with and really isn’t my type, is relentlessly pursuing me. The Old Flame, whom I’m not in love anymore, wanted me back somehow for whatever reason. The Self was in a dilemma. Ha-ha!

Now, a little twist to The Story….

The Crush entering the state of affairs was such a welcome diversion….a commercial break. When things became overly complicated with so many players in the drama, I sought comfort from The Best Friend.

Ooopss! It seems that my love story was a tad bit more complicated and intricate than Uth’s love story huh!


The Pinnochio Effect

I believe that when C. Collodi wrote “The Adventures of Pinocchio”, he was not kidding about the fact that Pinocchio’s nose actually grew longer whenever he lied. The author did actually do his homework, well, either that or it was just a fluke.


Do you know that it is a fact that one’s nose can actually enlarge slightly when the person is intentionally lying – I mean “The Malicious Lie” as opposed to “The White Lie”.


On that note, I would like to share with you an interesting fact that I have learned from the book I am reading right now, “The Definitive Book of Body Language” by Barbara & Allan Pease.


According to Barbara & Allan Pease, Scientists at the Smell & Taste Treatment & Research Foundation in Chicago found that when ones lies, chemicals known as catecholamine are released, causing tissues inside the nose to swell. They even used special cameras that show blood flow in the body to reveal that intentional lying also causes an increase in blood pressure. This technology indicates that the human nose actually expands when a person is lying – this is known as the “Pinnochio Effect”.


Increased blood pressure inflates the nose and causes the nerve endings in the nose to tingle, resulting in brisk rubbing action to the nose with the hand to “satisfy” the “itch”.


So be wary if someone constantly touches his or her nose (unless he or she is having sinuses or allergies) when having a conversation with you.


Here is another give away from the interesting book – do you know that a man’s penis also swells with blood when he tells a lie?


As the authors suggested, perhaps the Grand Jury should have pulled Bill Clinton’s trousers down instead, during his famous trial some years ago.


As for the current situation in Malaysia, there are too many examples for me to mention without getting myself into trouble with the law of the land. I value my freedom. So, let’s not go there. Ha-ha!


Lessons I learned from being a fool for love

I have come to understand that the world is nothing but illusions. Everything is an illusion, everything except for God, that is. The universe exists in the way we see it because we created it to be such. There is no absolute truth in this world. If perception is reality, then truth changes as our reality changes. What we see as truth, reality and existence depend on what we look for.


As the saying goes, everything looks like a nail to someone with a hammer in her hand. If I’m looking for love, everything will look like love to me. I would be caught unaware when the man is playing with my heart (and sometimes my money). Ironically, the heart knows this, but the mind refused to listen to the heart. Because the mind wants to be right, even when the heart knows it’s not the right thing to do. Thus, I ended up being a fool for love.


The mind plays tricks on you, so listen to your heart, as my beautiful German meditation teacher Anna Kaster always tells me. Perhaps Anna is right. My intuition comes from the heart. Listening to my heart (and my intuition) is what will save me at the end of the day.


The great Roman leader Julius Caesar once said, ‘Experience is the teacher of all things.”


Indeed, experience is a great teacher, because we learned the lesson after getting the test. Now that I’m more experienced, mature and wiser, I’d like to share with you lessons that I have learned from being a fool for love:


  • If a man is not enthusiastic about calling me often, then I should take a hint that he’s not that into me. Otherwise, he would be finding ways to connect with me – there’s the phone, e-mail, yahoo messenger, car, bike, plane, boat, bus, LRT or beam me up Scotty (ha-ha).
  • If a man doesn’t answer my calls after dark, or on weekends, and keeps giving me excuses about not being able to spend time with me on weekends, then he is most likely not available – either he is already married, or is seriously seeing someone or is seeing so many other women as in he’s a player.
  • If a man doesn’t want to call or be called, it’s not about connectivity. If there’s a will, there’s surely a way to call and to pick up calls, and not dishing out stupid excuses such as his phone went out of battery (duh, every night and every weekend?) or there is no mobile network coverage at his house. Everything is about connectivity this millennium, unless you live in the jungle, deep rural area or mountain top.
  • If a man doesn’t give me 100% attention on our date, as in answering calls (doesn’t matter if it’s personal or business unless it’s a matter of life and death) or replying text messages, then he doesn’t value me enough to make his time spent with me as precious moments.
  • When I’m in a relationship, if a man is not generous with me – then there’s a strong chance he’d be even more “kedekut” when and if we get married later. If he expects me to pay for our dinner especially on a first date, then I should forget about him.
  • If a man I’m in a relationship with borrows or asks money from me for whatever reason, then there’s a strong possibility he is just using me as a financial bridge during his hard times. I should relook at what he wants from me in the relationship. Is he after my money? Is it the prospect of me as his financial fallback plan?
  • When I’m in a relationship, if I seem to be more emotionally enthusiastic about him than he is about me, then the state of emotion in that relationship is not balanced. So I should take it as a hint to leave the relationship where only one party is winning the game and the other is losing out.
  • If a man wants to get intimate so early in a relationship, then there’s a strong possibility he thinks of me as more of a conquest, rather than a life partner material. Red alert, he may be a horny pig. I should look at what the relationship is based on. Is it lust or love?

Dear Allah…

Dear Allah, I ask for your forgiveness for what I have done, and for what I have not done that you have asked me to. I know not any better. I ask for your forgiveness for what I am not strong enough to forgive others.

I want to be a better person, and give me strength to be greater than what I am and to make a difference to this world and make it a better place.

Please give me great wisdom and emotional freedom – where I’d remain as steady as a rock, as tough as steel, as cool as water and as free as air – emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically – no matter what happens to me.

I think this is the time of my life where I need God the most. I would want to be with God for the rest of my journey in life.