Monthly Archives: July 2007

Adoiii!!!

  • Rugger Dan berkata pada saya selepas saya terdiam bila dia bagi tau saya satu lawak lucah, “Lara,  kenapa awak diam. Marah pada saya ker. Kalau marah, awak tunjukkan lah kemarahan tu. Tapi kalau awak diam sebab malu tu, jangan pulak awak tunjukkan kemaluan tu yer. Nanti saya lari seribu batu tau.

  • “Hehehe bukan nyer lari dari awak tapi lari kejar awak ler :)”

  • Hahaha! Tak jadi saya nak marah. Adoiii!

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Men vs Women

Random thots on men and women I would like to share.

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don’t really care for them.
4. Although they don’t really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don’t learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

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Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “an old rag”.
6. Although their clothes are always “just an old rag”, they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t believe you.


Itu Chimpeng mana ah?

  • I was driving around looking for an empty space to park my car somewhere in Bangsar when suddenly there’s a knock on the glass. There’s this frail looking old Apek peering over with a grin. Feeling that I can trust him, I roll down my window just a few inches, and a short but interesting conversation followed.  
  • “Miss ah..tanya sikit ah..itu Chimpeng mana ah..?”  
  • “Apa?”
  • “Chimpeng, Chimpeng…saya sudah tanya itu guard ah.. dia ckaap sini ada satu Chimpeng…”  
  • “Sorrylah Apek. Saya tak tau woh…Apa tempat itu Chimpeng?”
  • “Aiyah…itu Chimpeng balu punya..Saya mau pigi angkat wang la…”  
  • “Tarak tau la boss. Itu kedai ka apa? Along ka?”
  • “Chimpeng bukan kedai ma..lu itu pun tak tau ah..? itu Chimpeng macam itu Maypeng, Public Peng, RHetB Peng…itu balu punya Peng..”  

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Adoi…bengap punya apek..buat aku pening je..he was actually looking for CIMB Bank …!


A modern love letter :)

SAMPLE OF A MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dearest Bedah,

  • I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 2003.
  • With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 2003 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.
  • Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us.
  • Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.
  • I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
  • Thanking you in anticipation.
  • Yours sincerely,
    Abu
    _________________

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MODERN REPLY TO MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dear Abu,

  • Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.
  • However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement benefits. Gratuity should be generous. I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary compensation according to union standards.
  • Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the ‘VIP’ I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar is in order.
  • Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.
  • Please also note that my sister is happily employed.
  • Yours perhaps,
    Bedah


Triskaidekaphobia

I discovered a new word today: triskaidekaphobia \tris-ky-dek-uh-FOH-bee-uh\, which is a noun. It means a morbid fear of the number 13 or the date Friday the 13th. 

Hehehe coincidentally today is Friday the 13th J 

Anyways, people who suffer from triskaidekaphobia are called triskaidekaphobes. Some of the famous triskaidekaphobes according to Electronic Telegraph are Napoleon, Herbert Hoover, Mark Twain, Richard Wagner and Franklin Roosevelt.

 

Not surprisingly, past disasters linked to the number 13 hardly help triskaidekaphobics overcome their affliction. The most famous is the Apollo 13 mission, launched on April 11, 1970 (the sum of 4, 11 and 70 equals 85 – which when added together comes to 13), from Pad 39 (three times 13) at 13:13 local time, and struck by an explosion on April 13.

 

In Christian countries the number 13 was considered unlucky because there were 13 persons at the Last Supper of Christ.

Fridays are also unlucky, because the Crucifixion was on a Friday. Hence a Friday falling on the thirteenth day is regarded as especially unlucky. Oh well, it’s probably just bad luck that the 13th is so often a Friday.  

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 This is an irrelevant perspective, but I’m glad I’m a Muslim because Last Supper of Christ and Crucifixion do not have significant meanings to me as compared to Christians J 


Agak-Agak la,… Sape SALAH ?

Memula skali ayang anto kat abang?

Dear abang,

  • Ayang nak mintak kebenaran abang untuk bawa anak-anak balik ke kampung. abang tak perlu hantar ayang sebab ayang mampu untuk bawa anak-anak ke kampung musim cuti sekolah ni dengan bas.. abang jagalah diri abang dan kereta abang baik-baik… cuma ada perkara yang ingin ayang luahkan disini… kereta baru abang tu mahal.. harga mencecah 100k barangkali.. sebab tu abang sayangkan kereta abang lebih dari ayang.. sampaikan abang dah terlena dalam kereta abang tu sejak abang beli 3 bulan yang lalu dah masuk 3 malam… abang sayangkan kereta abang lebih dari ayang, nak tau ngape?
  • Harga kereta abang tu lebih mahal dari wang hantaran yang ayah ayang letakan masa kita kahwin dulu..cuba hantaran ayang lebih mahal dari harga kereta abang?
  • Tiap-tiap pagi abang mesti gosok kereta abang, nak nampak berkilat..tapi ayang nak dapat kiss g.morning pun susah
  • Sejak beli kereta tu, sebulan sekali macam-macam aksesori abang beli kat kereta, ayang nak dapat hadiah besday setahun sekali pun susah..
  • Kereta sebulan sekali abang servis, abang kata kena jaga maintainance…ayang nak dapat pi salon setahun sekali pun susah..
  • Kereta abang make up lawa-lawa.. tapi kalau ayang make up lawa-lawa abang kata ayang tak sedar diri kereta abang bagi makan minyak mahal-mahal cecah 100 setin pun ada, ayang nak makan pizza sekeping jer masa mengidam anak kedua kita abang kata ayang mengada-ngada.
  • Kereta abang kalau anak-anak sentuh sikit bodynya abang marah anak macam nak makan, ayang jatuh longkang besar boleh abang gelak
  • Paling menyedihkan.. ayang tanya ngape tidur dalam kereta? abang jawab takut orang curi kereta abang.. kalau ayang kena curi??
  • Ayang nak balik kampung dulu.. anak-anak nak jumpa atuk dengan nenek depa.. tak nak naik kereta abang takut calar.. ayang calar takpe.. jaga diri elok-elok, sarapan ayang dah sediakan. ayang pi tak lama sekolah bukak ayang balik lah dengan anak-anak.. pesanan ayang..
  • ABANG SURUHLAH KERETA ABANG TU MASAKKAN MAKAN KESUKAAN ABANG
    ABANG SURUHLAH KERETA ABANG TU BASUHKAN PAKAIAN ABANG
    ABANG SURUHLAH KERETA ABANG TU GOSOKAN KEMEJA ABANG
    ABANG SURUHLAH KERETA ABANG TU SIAPKAN AIR MANDI ABANG
    ABANG SURUHLAH KERETA ABANG TU KEMASKAN RUMAH ABANG
    ABANG SURUHLAH KERETA ABANG TU URUT-URUT BADAN ABANG
    ABANG SURUHLAH KERETA ABANG TU TEMANKAN ABANG TIDUR
  • Love,
    ayang

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    ni abang lak bagi….


Dear Ayang,

  • Bukanlah abang sayang keta tu lebih dr ayang.. tapi ayang kene faham keta tu keta bos abang. Nanti kalau ilang sapa nak ganti.. ayang abang suruh keja ayang xnak, ayang kata nak dok umah jaga anak,nak siap kan sarapan nak kemas umah tapi ayang tiap2 hari bgn tido kul 12.. macam mana nak wat keja umah..
     
     Cuba lah ayang pk mana x abang tido dalam keta.. abang balik keja lambat skit ayang dah kunci pintu..bukan nye abang gi foya2 kan abang gi keja…lagi satu pasal piza yang ayang ngidam tu..
    ayang nak piza yg di oder dr jepun.. mana lah abang ada duit nak oder.. abang nak bg apam balik yg jual kat depan ofis abang ni ayang xnak, ayang nak jugak piza dr jepun.. nasib baik abang x belikan kalau x anak kedua kita tu mesti muka cam doremon..ish xnak laa abang..  
     
     Pasal hadiah kan abang dah belikan tapi abang sembunyi kan kat dapur.. ayang yang tersalah buang ingatkan sampah… tulah abang suruh kemas umah tu ayang kata umah kita dah bersih tapi hadiah dgn sampah pun dah jadi serupa jek..hadiah tu mahal tau abang beli untuk ayang..
     Sebenarnye abang sayang ayang lebih dr keta tu wlau pun hantaran masa kita kawin cuma rm8k..ayang x tau bpe kali abang turun naik bank nak wat loan rm8k..tapi demi ayang abang wat jugak..
  • sbb masa tu ayang kalau mekup mmg sebijik maya karin.. tapi sejak ayang wat rebonding 3 tahun lepas stp kali ayang mekup abang terbayang lak muka pontianak dlm citer phsm.. bukan ayang x cantik tapi kening ayang tu gi cukur wat per.. wlau pun abang selalu cukur janggut abang tapi ayang xyah laa nak cukur kening ayang tu…pasal morning kis tu, ayang bgn pun dah tghri nak morning kis cam mana.. dah laa ayang.. abang malas nak citer..
     
     Tapi abang nak bg tau jgk kat sini ayang tetap no 1 dlm hati abang..nanti kalau naik bas tu bebaik.. ayang nak balik kpg abang izinkan Cuma jgn lupa kim salam kat mak ayah kat sana .. kalau ada gulai tempoyak ke nnti jgn lupa bwk balik skit..
     
     Kalau ada lembu terlepas ke ayang xyah laa susah2 gi kejar lembu tu… biar jek.. nnti abang balik kpg abang kejar kan ..bukan apa takut lembu tu tanduk ayang nnti bukan stakat calar jek silap2 leh masuk hspital. abang kene tanduk xpe..
     
     
    Jaga anak2 baik2 jgn bagi diorang main kat sungai musim2 banjir ni.. nak dpt anak bukan senang takut nnti ayang ngidam lagi  piza jepun lak lagi haru.. baik jaga jek yg dah ada tu..ayang pun jaga diri baik2.. jgn sampai jatuh longkang lagi.. hehe.. abang mmg xnak ketawa masa tu tapi nak wat cam mana ayang jatuh kepala dulu yang masuk longkang..dah laa rambut ayang masa tu baru lepas rebonding.. mmg abang kesian tapi muka ayang lepas jatuh longkang tu xleh abang nak bayang kan cam mana….tgk laa sendiri gambar tu?. Ok lah ayang.. nnti lepas cuti skolah kita jumpa lagi eah..

bye ayang

love,
abang


To make a woman happy…

It’s not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:** **  

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate*
*
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:*
*
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls*
*
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:*
*
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes *
*
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:*
*
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes*

*
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY**
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food*  

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Hehehe…have a orgasmic weekend, folks!