Monthly Archives: March 2007

When sailing in rough seas…

A friend and colleague, who is leaving the organisation, has allowed me to share what she wrote to her friends including me. It’s called, “when sailing in rough seas…”   

An interesting read – a lot of answers begging for questions.  I thought it was very touching and meaningful, especially at a time when my weary soul is hungry for some good words of wisdom.   

It could be that I am sailing in rough seas. But as long as I am the captain of my own life, I’ll be in good hands. For a free man or woman must not let another decide for his or her life, nor can he or she blame others for his or her life or the lack of it 🙂

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Kawan di akhir zaman

I found this sajak somewhere, and I don’t remember when and where I found it or who wrote it, but I like the message it brings. Kisah benar. Sungguh terkesan di hati… 

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Re: Swearing at work

Hahaha this is really funny 🙂 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

To All Staff,

RE: SWEARING AT WORK

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals Throughout the company have been using foul language during the course Of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily Offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to Accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f____ing problem.

TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.

TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ing h _ll didn’t you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I’m on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources


Monogamy becoming irrelevant?

I finished reading a Malay novel called Pasrah Kasih  by Malaysian author Mazia Harris. One of the stories in the book is about a school teacher whose husband married an Indonesian GRO secretly, to rescue her from her predicament [sounds very much like my ex-husband who  was on a similar rescue misison saving a damsel in distress, so I think men just love the idea of being a hero eh].  

As a solution in easing up his pregnant first wife’s housework burden,  he brought the newly married second wife to live with them as their live-in domestic helper. The first wife only discovered it after reading her husband’s confession letter.  He made her promise to read the letter after she arrives at the holy land for her umrah pilgrimage. 

She was beyond upset at first and asked for Allah’s guidance.  She then met four people at the holy land who changed her paradigm of polygamy – a specialist doctor travelling with his  first wife who is a professor, his second wife who is a medical doctor and their son who is studying in Madinah.  She was touched by the second’s wife’s love and concern for the first wife when she fainted after doing her tawaf, and remembered how well her domestic helper had been taking care of her and her children. [Ehem, not to mention the husband of course, what a lucky bastard eh?]. 

On that note…

An article in a men’s magazine Esquire notes that the average life expectancy of men in 1900 was 47 years, but by 2000, that figure had risen to 77 years.  That’s not all, the author, Chuck Klosterman quotes American sex experts as saying that monogamy just cannot compete with the modern lifespan as human beings are now living too long to realistically stay with just one partner for a lifetime.  He also indicated, with the rise in life expectancy, monogamy will become more and more irrelevant in years to come.

Interesting fact that will make half the population of men in Malaysia very happy indeed.  However, I think more efforts should be made on improving the quality of life than the quantity of life. 

Don’t you think so?


Why British think 80% of Malaysians come to UK to study law?

Why British think 80% of Malaysians come to UK to study law?

UK Immigration Officer: Purpose of visit? 

Visitor: I’m here to study law, sir. 

Officer: You know, you must have a lot of lawyers in Malaysia.  Visitor: Why do you say that? 

Officer: Well, I’ve been here for a good twenty years, and I’d say 80% of Malaysians I see here say they’re here to read law.  

Visitor: Oh, really? That’s really something I never knew. Hard to believe in fact. 

Officer: Just you watch, then. You just stand here until the next  Malaysian comes along, and I’ll bet he’s here to read law.   

*Visitor waits for 5 minutes, Ah Chong from Malaysia comes to immigration counter*  

Officer: Mr. Ah Chong, purpose of visit?  

Ah Chong: Study lorr…


Rules for my diet

  1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 

  2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda. 

  3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.

  4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake. 

  5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner. 

  6.  Movie-related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel. 

  7. Cookie pieces contain no calories — the process of breaking causes calorie leakage. 

  8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife while making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon when making a sundae. 

  9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. 

  10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and popsicles.

 

Note: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.  


Love after math

To be or not to be? The question is: Love who you married or marry who you love? Get who you want or love who you get? 

Perhaps not wanting who they get is why many marriages break up. Because love is blind and marriage is the eye opener, many couples only realised the person they had married was not the same person they thought they knew.  Isn’t that a scary thought? 

It has been said that a man marry, hoping the woman he married will not change. A woman, au contraire, marry in the hope the man they married will change.  

A-ha, great expectations, indeed!  Oopps correction. Get your expectations right, do your math.  The answer lies in the right equation, so do your algebra right.  Getting who you want, and wanting who you get are two different things. Wanting who you get is love after doing your math. Otherwise, it would be a love aftermath 🙂 

Probably why I’ve had many love aftermaths before this, huh. If I had been good at my math, I wouldn’t have to put up with some idiots and jerks.  But then again, my mistakes are my learning experience. With or without regrets, I have indeed learned valuable lessons in life.   A friend told me, a smart person learns from his or her mistakes, but a wise person learns from other people to avoid making such mistakes.  

Learning Curve: I think I should look for someone I already like as he is, someone who I don’t want to change.  I’d have a better chance at wanting who I get.