Monthly Archives: March 2009

40 Things in Life that I must do

1.    Drink plenty of water.

2.    Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar

3.    Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

4.    Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy

5.    Make time to practice prayer, meditation and yoga

6.    Play more games

7.    Read more books than I did in 2008

8.    Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day

9.    Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minutes’ walk every day. And while I walk, I will smile.

11. I won’t compare my life to others’. I have no idea what their journey is all about

12. I won’t have negative thoughts or things I cannot control. Instead I will invest my energy in the positive present moment.

13. I won’t overdo. I will keep to my limits.

14. I won’t take myself so seriously. No one else does.

15. I won’t waste my precious energy on gossip.

16. I will dream more while I’m awake

17. Envy is a waste of time. I already have all I need.

18. I will forget issues of the past. I won’t remind my partner his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin my present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. I won’t hate others.

20. I will make peace with my past so it won’t spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of my happiness except me.

22. Realize that life is a school and I’m here to learn.

23. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons I learned will last a lifetime.

24. I will smile and laugh more.

25. I won’t have to win every argument. I will agree to disagree.

26. I will call my family more often.

27. Each day I will give something good to others.

28. I will forgive everyone for everything.

29. I will spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

30. I will try to make at least three people smile each day.

31. What other people think of me is none of my business.

32. My job won’t take care of me when I’m sick. My friends will. I will stay in touch with them.

33. I will do the right thing!

34. I will get rid of anything (or anyone) that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

35. I will trust that GOD heals everything.

36. I will have faith that however good or bad a situation is, it will not change.

37. No matter how I feel, I will get up, dress up and show up.

38. I believe that the best is yet to come.

39. When I’m awake alive in the morning, I will thank GOD for it.

40. I believe that my Inner most is always happy. So, I’ll be happy J


Kepada Mu Kekasih

The thunderstorm has died. The rain has stopped. The howling wind has lost its voice. There is no wrath or fury anymore. I’m feeling so peaceful and serene inside of me. There’s a certain kind of love, joy and happiness that I’m feeling that I cannot describe. I’m just so happy…

As I totally surrender my heart and soul to Allah, and ask for His Guidance and Mercy, I’m singing M.Nasir’s song. It’s my favorite of all time…

 

 

KepadaMu Kekasih

KepadaMu Kekasih
Aku berserah
Kerana ku tahu Kau lebih mengerti
Apa yang terlukis di cermin wajahku ini
Apa yang tersirat di hati
Bersama amali

KepadaMu Kekasih
Aku bertanya
Apakah Kau akan menerimaku kembali
Atau harus menghitung lagi
Segala jasa dan bakti
Atau harus mencampakku ke sisi
Tanpa harga diri

Hanya padaMu Kekasih
Aku tinggalkan
Jawapan yang belum ku temukan
Yang bakal aku nantikan
Bila malam menjemputku lena beradu

KepadaMu Kekasih
Aku serahkan
Jiwa dan raga
Jua segalanya
Apakah Kau akan menerima penyerahan ini
Apakah Kau akan menerimaku
Dalam keadaan begini


Nothing but a few not so good men

Life is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think, as Horace Walpole puts it. Perhaps I’ve been feeling too much, rather than doing more thinking.

As much as I feel hurt and down and out, I must let this heartache go – once and for all. I think I’ve been dwelling on this heartache for almost a month. Okay, okay maybe a month – and I think this is unnecessary air time that I’m giving to Orang Bulan by allowing him to occupy my space. He was  taking me away from my joy and happiness for that much time. So I forgive him and let him go.

For a month I was doing my best not to let all my feelings crumble down on me.

At the end of it all, I’ve learned though that love is inexhaustible and can be unconditional. Unconditional love for humanity is what is stopping me from hating Orang Bulan and many others before him who has hurt me and done me wrong.

Love, acceptance and forgiveness are virtues that are closer to Allah, and they create so much joy and happiness in my heart. Hatred, fear and vengeance only create suffering and misery. If I let these feelings control me, they will separate me further from being one with God.

I’m ready to accept the fact that I’m human, I’m a mere mortal nonetheless and I make mistakes and wrong judgments in life.

As I learned from my experience, I see my mistakes as part of growing pains which are necessary for me to become a stronger person who has an abundance of joy and happiness in her heart to not succumb to suffering and misery.

I’m now ready to move on with my life and start living again. I’m not going to let a few not so good men robs me of my ability to love others unconditionally. I will not let a few bad experiences keep me from doing anything I wanted to do. I will keep exploring what life has in store for me. I remember what Micheal Jordan said “I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.”

While falling in love is a good feeling and we all want that, failing in love is not a bad thing either although none of us wants it.

In Al Baqarah verse 216, Allah says it is possible that we dislike a thing which is good for us, and that we love a thing which is bad for us. Allah knows, and we know not.

So, you see, what or who we like may not be necessarily be good for us, and what or who we dislike may not be necessarily bad for us either.

Bottom line is, we must “redha” or accept Allah’s “qadha and qadar”. I think that is the key to joy, happiness and forgiveness.


Walau dunia tak seindah surga

I’m feeling much better today and I’m humming this song by Nidji in my head…

Laskar Pelangi

Mimpi adalah kunci
Untuk kita menaklukkan dunia
Berlarilah tanpa lelah
Sampai engkau meraihnya

Laskar pelangi
Takkan terikat waktu
Bebaskan mimpimu di angkasa
Raih bintang di jiwa

Menarilah dan terus tertawa
Walau dunia tak seindah surga
Bersukurlah pada yang kuasa
Cinta kita di dunia

Selamanya…

Cinta kepada hidup
Memberikan senyuman abadi
Walau hidup kadang tak adil
Tapi cinta lengkapi kita

Laskar pelangi
Takkan terikat waktu
Jangan berhenti mewarnai
Jutaan mimpi di bumi

Menarilah dan terus tertawa
Walau dunia tak seindah surga
Bersukurlah pada yang kuasa
Cinta kita di dunia

Menarilah dan terus tertawa
Walau dunia tak seindah surga
Bersukurlah pada yang kuasa
Cinta kita di dunia

Selamanya…

Selamanya…

Laskar pelangi
Takkan terikat waktu…


It’s a dog eat dog world out there

Things always happened for a good reason, there’s learning to be gained from every experience in our lives. Making mistakes, falling and getting up again are part of the essential growing pains in life and this is something that’s necessary for us.

I cannot question God, why me? God would simply answer, why not?

I think God wants to test me on how much pain I can take and how much longer I can hold on and keep my sanity before He gives me what I really want. Until then, I must keep my sanity, persevere and do my best to make my life as great and as meaningful as it can be. I must find happiness in every blessing I get no matter how small. It’s called gratefulness.

I will continue to share my unconditional love with people because of God. I hope to leave my footprint by making a difference in their lives, big or small. This is like paying rent to God for letting me stay on this earth and for the blessings God has generously given me.

I may meet another ungrateful soul like Orang Bulan which is like “melepaskan anjing yang tersepit” who hurts me and treats me like dirt after I did everything I could to help him up.

Before things turned ugly between us, he had once told me that I have helped him get out of his critical financial situation with the life line loans and the career guidance I’ve given him. He was on the verge of losing his job as a Maybank credit card sales executive because he couldn’t meet his sales targets, so out of sincere intentions I helped him by introducing many friends to him.

My intuition tells me I’m just someone Orang Bulan used to get out of the deep shit hole where he was when I found him. He once told me that everybody is using everyone for his or her gain. I should have picked up that hint huh?

On that note, I strongly believe that we are now in a modern day Zaman Jahiliah – and many of us either knowingly or unknowingly, carry the characteristics of “Firaun” within ourselves.

People no longer feel compassion and love for others. That’s why everyone is using everyone else. That’s why people hurt others and do it mercilessly – from the Casanovas and thieves of hearts who played out on women, to the unfaithful spouses, to the robbers, to the common thief, to the corrupt politicians, to the to the con man, to those mothers who killed their babies, to the murderers, to the plunderers like Israel.

Everyone is in it for themselves nowadays. That’s why people no longer give a damn about their environment, neighbors and people around them – and who they hurt to get what they want.

People no longer have any conscience and common sense. That’s why people are no longer interested in right or wrong, good or bad and moral or immoral.

It’s a dog eat dog world out there, and I’m wearing a dog bone underwear.

So nothing I can do to stop people from having ill intention on me. People may step over me or stab me in the back or badmouth me or do mean things to me. Does it mean I must stop making a difference to people because I would be too busy protecting me from hurt?

I’ll take this mistake is just a learning experience. I shall be better next time.


Coming to My Senses

In all my messed up state of emotion, I forget there is such thing as “rebound”. Yup, what happened in my life for the last four weeks was a devastating result of this “I hate it but it’s true” thingy called “rebound”.

After analyzing the whole situation and turning it upside down, and looking at every angle possible, I realize it was not love at all that I was feeling. The analyzer in me understands it’s just a silly crush (yup, I’m laughing out loud now) and is examining why it happened.

After I left Abang Iman, I was feeling lonely and empty. I missed him terribly but I can’t go back to him. At the same time, Orang Bulan was there with me day in and day out. I didn’t go out with other guys for more than two and a half months because I was spending time with almost every day, and we grew close and intimate. I needed someone to love, to hold and to miss.

Orang Bulan contributed to my confusion by saying words and doing things he shouldn’t have had in the first place. Perhaps he didn’t know any better, because he is after all, just a boy, but can you blame me for thinking that I actually fell in love with him?

Now when I think about it, I realized, if I were being myself, I would have never fallen for Orang Bulan. He’s in different league altogether – totally not my type. He can’t even speak or write well in English, that’s for one (yes, I’m terrible; it turns me off when my potential partner can’t speak English well), he’s not as open minded and he’s way too skinny for my taste (sup tulang). He’s totally far off the mark from my ideal man.

I can be his close friend or teman tapi mesra at most, but it can never cross my mind to have fallen in love with a man (if I can call him a man) 12 years younger than me who is not my type and taste at all. He’s just a boy, and as Beyonce Knowles sings it, I could have been a better man than him if I were a boy.

Come to think of it, I cried buckets not because I was heart –broken over him. I was crying over all of my past broken love relationships rolled into one. I didn’t know where to channel my emotions that rolled down the mountain like an avalanche.  I should have known better not let my emotion go awry.

Laughing out loud, I feel so stupid for letting myself fall like this. I’m glad I realize it’s a mistake before I plunge into something more complicated than this. I’m glad this is one of my favorite mistakes.

Nonetheless I’m glad I allowed myself to experience something beautiful if only for a brief moment. I’m glad that I have dared myself to risk and feel vulnerable – no matter how ridiculous it can be – and explored something that is out of the boundaries of my ideals.

 


Babe in Total Control of Herself

After a series of serious broken heart episodes, I just want to chill out from love and romance for now.

I opted out from playing this silly game because I’m not really good at it. Looking at past results, I think I played terribly. I always ended up becoming game to the players and I get my heart crushed to little pieces like broken glass on the floor every time I fall in love. So, perhaps I shouldn’t fall in love next time.

Let’s face it, majority of men out there just want to play around with a woman’s emotions. Some men do it for money, some men do it for fun, some are just sick in the mind they’d do it to keep a personal score and brag about their conquests to their equally sick friends, and some just for the heck of it.

At the end of the day, none of these sick men care if they break a girl’s heart. They don’t give a damn to what happens as a consequence of their monstrosity. Ugly monsters are what they really are when you remove their face masks at the end of the day.

I’ve decided that I’m not going to invest in my emotion in any man. Not until he has done enough to earn my love and trust, and has given his commitment to a steady relationship with me. I’m not trying to be a tough cookie or want to become a cold-hearted bitch. I’m just protecting myself from those vicious vultures hovering over my head from preying on me.

Hmmm perhaps being a BITCH is not a bad idea either, because in my dictionary, BITCH means Babe in Total Control of Herself.

I realize that no man is really worthy of my tears, and if a man really is, he won’t make me cry except for happy tears.

At the end of the day only the love for God is the only love that will never disappoint me. It is love that is eternal and endless. So, I’m going to retreat from this cruel world and be in love with Him for eternity.