In 1989, Valentine’s Day meant something beautiful to me. It was the only one time I celebrated the lovers day. He was my first love and we went to Swensens Ice Cream, shared pasta and ice cream. He gave me a heart shaped crystal pendant with a white gold chain as a “will you be mine forever?” present. I became his wife 7 years later, although unfortunately, not forever.
Ah, nothing is sweeter than the first love, and nothing hurts more than the first heartbreak, too. To me, that is.
After all these years, I realise, although I have let go of The Ex-Hubby, I have not truly let go of him yet. I have let him go, and yet I haven’t. I know it sounds confusing, but who says love is anything rational. Often time, matters of the heart is something we cannot choose. We can lie to others but we cannot lie to ourselves. The heart knows…
Picture: My kittens, Smokey and Tuah, best friends forever!
I’m not pining for him to come back. What we had was over. I have forgiven him, and asked his forgiveness. I have accepted the fact that he’s remarried and leads his own life now with the woman of his choice, his new ideal as he puts it.
I do not know if he’s happy but I am happy for him if it makes him happy. I will be sad if he’s miserable with that woman. I will be so angry if she mistreats him.
Strange, but that’s the truth. Complicated huh? Well, that is love. Undeniably unconditional.
Don’t get me wrong . I know I may never be with him again and I have stopped hoping on him returning to me, many years ago.
Yet, deep in my heart, I know I won’t have the strength to turn him away, if he does come back to me one day. Because once upon a time, he was my strength. And he was my weakness too. Madu dan Racun. Sigh!
Sometimes I wonder, if I can turn back time, how would my life be different?
*Slapping myself really hard in the cheeks, reality check*
Yup, reality bites huh? So I will skip that thoughts, and just pray that he is safe, healthy and happy. No point pondering over it now, like it’s going to make any difference any more lah kan. Sigh! Nasi sudah menjadi bubur.
Bubur Kafe Batu Keras di Suzie’s Corner in Ampang. Have it with salted eggs and cili padi, spoon licking good! Hehehe…sedap! Jom makan!