Monthly Archives: September 2008

Alice & The Cat

In Lewis Caroll’s “Alice in Wonderland”, Alice asked the Cat, “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.” said the Cat.


Sexy, successful…and single?

Are you a sexy, successful…and single woman? You may find yourself in the same situation that I and many other sexy, successful and single women are facing.

This is an enlightening article on our predicament. Some of us may agree on the pointers in the article, and some of us may not agree. Many of us could learn a thing or two. Read on…
Sexy, successful…and single?
By Elsa K. Simcik
Here’s the scene: A woman’s spending way too much time around the cheese tray at her neighbor’s drab get-together when suddenly, a tall, slightly stubbled gentleman (think Jack from Lost) approaches. After about 30 seconds of swapping stories about how they each know Trish (host of said drab gathering), he predictably asks her, “So, what do you do?”
Sounds cheesy (pardon the pun), but some women dread revealing their occupation. Who are they? They’re women with impressive jobs—doctors, lawyers, engineers.

And a woman having an impressive job always yields the same reaction from a man: Confusion, awkwardness, that moment when he’s wondering, “Is my job as an assistant manager of a copy shop going to sound pitiful?”

Apparently just because you have a lot of degrees on your wall doesn’t mean you have a lot of suitors at your door. And as women continue to achieve higher-level jobs, there are smarter, accomplished gals who have to face the fact that they may intimidate men. In fact, in 2003, women accounted for 36% of all chemists, 28% of all lawyers, 30% of all physicians and surgeons, and — wow — 66% of all psychologists.

So are successful women doomed to a life of tense cheese-tray introductions? Of course not. These women can either be patient till an equally high-powered man or a naturally confident fellow turns up. Or they can know how best to present their career so as not to scare off less-assured guys.

Here, some pointers:

Ask for advice. Bring your career down to reality, suggests John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Open up and show a vulnerable side right from the beginning, “When a woman immediately senses that a man is intimidated, she should find a way of communicating that she has a need for some advice,” Dr. Gray explains: “For example, if she’s a doctor, she could talk to him about something frustrating that happened at the hospital that day.” Dr. Gray points out that men want to feel needed, so this tactic is a good way to bring him inside your circle.

Chat up guys about their career. “I say date someone who is as equally passionate about their job as you are,” recommends Jill Farrar, a lawyer. “After speaking legal jargon all day, that’s the last thing I want to come home to. I find myself usually dating doctors, architects or even salesmen—guys who are consumed with their jobs and want to swap stories with me.”

Find equal footing. Don’t let the conversation just be about work. Find a way to change the topic to something you can both relate to: The last movie you saw, your favorite spot for a hike, the wine-tasting class you’re taking next week. The goal here is to get talking about mutual interests—or hobbies you can share with one another. This isn’t just resume-trading time. Show what else makes you tick.

Know when it’s not going to work…Still, some high-powered gals know that there are some situations where it’s best to say ‘there are other fish in the sea’: “I dated a guy who couldn’t get over the fact that I had a Master’s degree,” admits Whitney Bessler. “Since he hadn’t been to college, he would always remind me that I had two more degrees than him. He even made a point to read the newspaper right before he would pick me up. I didn’t care about our educational differences. But I did care that he made an issue out of it.” Whitney packed up her two framed diplomas and left.

And what if a guy is perhaps too pleased about your turbo-charged career? That’s a situation Kory Jones, a surgical resident, faced. She thought dating a musician / bartender would provide a nice balance to her intense, life-and-death, grueling-schedule job. “Most guys I date get fed up with the amount of time I spend at work,” explains Dr. Jones. “But this guy encouraged it. He told me to work hard so that when I was done with my residency I would ‘make the big bucks.’ The last straw was when he introduced me as his Sugar Mama.” The lesson here? Sometimes you don’t have to think too hard to know when a relationship just isn’t going to work.


Elsa K. Simcik is a writer specializing in relationships and fitness. Elsa has contributed to Men’s Edge, Daily Candy, Women’s Health and Fitness and more. She can be reached at


No Regrets

American artist, Thomas Kinkade eloquently said, “When we learn to say a deep, passionate yes to the things that really matter… then peace begins to settle onto our lives like golden sunlight sifting to a forest floor.”

Life is about the choices we make – we should stand by our choices – no regrets.

Plato on love and marriage

One day, Plato asked his teacher, “What is love? How can I find it?”


The teacher answered, “There’s a large wheat field in front. Walk there without turning back, and take just one leaf. If you can find one leaf that you think is extraordinary, it means you have found love.”


So Plato walked…and not long after that, he came back empty-handed.


The teacher asked him, “Why, you don’t bring any leaf?”


Plato said, “I can only bring just one leaf and when I walked through the wheat field I can’t turn my back. Actually I have found one extraordinary leaf, but I don’t know whether there’s any other leaf more extraordinary, so I didn’t take that leaf. When I walked further, I realized that the leaves I found are not as extraordinary compared to the leaf I’ve found earlier in my walk. In the end, I didn’t take any single leaf.”


Then the teacher told him, “So…that is love.”


Another day, Plato asked his teacher again, “What is marriage? How can I find it?”

The teacher answered, “There is a forest in front. Please walk there and don’t look back. You can only cut one tree, and cut the one that you think is the highest. That is when you find marriage.”


Plato walks there, and he came back not long after bringing one tree. The tree, however, is not a very good tree and not a very tall one, either. It’s just an ordinary tree.

The teacher asked him, “Why did you cut that kind of tree?”


Plato answered, “Because from my previous experience, after walking through the wheat field, I came back with nothing. So this time, when I saw this tree which I think is not so bad, I decided to cut it and bring it here. I don’t want to lose another chance to get it.”


And the teacher said, “Well …that is marriage.”


Penglipur Lara’s Thots:


The more you look for love, you will find nothing. Love is in your heart, when you can control your desire and your hope to find something better. When you have endless hope and wish of love, you will only get emptiness…because you won’t get anything and time cannot be turned back. Accept love for what it is.


Marriage is a continuation of love. It’s a process of having chances, and you choose the best option among all the alternatives. If you want to have a perfect match and a perfect marriage, you will only waste your time, because there is no perfect marriage.


Secrets of A Woman

Some things you never knew… [actually, I never did either…]

Secrets of a Woman
By: Kathryn Eisman



The woman you sleep with gazes into your eyes and tells you she loves you. And you believe her. You can tell by the way she looks at you, the way she holds you, the way she seems to always know what you want before you do.
There are a couple of things in life you just know, and love and this naked woman are two of them. But there are a lot of things you don’t know.

A woman may give you her body and her heart, but there are parts that she’ll never give up – pieces woven into the very fiber of her being. Mysteries only hinted at in a passing sly smile, an inscrutable laugh.

These are the secrets of lovers past, hidden fantasies, and unshared longings. A woman’s deepest secrets that don’t — and never will — include you.

You’re about to sample this hidden knowledge. But like any man who seeks, you’d better be prepared for what you’re about to find.

1) My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals — from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings — and she knows how both compare with those of every other man I’ve ever dated. I have done a hand-comparison measurement so I can divulge size and girth with a high level of accuracy. When my friend smirks at you knowingly, you are not imagining it. She knows. So just know that she knows, and deal with it. (It’s not going to change.) Ask her about me, or chat with her about our relationship, at your own risk. She will tell me. Even — in fact, especially — if she promises not to. This is not always a bad thing (e.g., if you happen to be telling her how much you love me). But, in general, remember that she is my confidante first, and yours never.

2) Just looking at your hands can turn me on.

Penglipur Lara: Hehehe…major turn on 🙂

3) When you go away, even for a day, I sleep in your favorite old T-shirt because it smells like you.

Penglipur Lara: Yes, I would 🙂

4) I’ll never tell you exactly how many men I’ve slept with. No matter how sincere I appeared when I answered your question, chances are I wasn’t. As an unscientific guideline, when a woman says she’s slept with four men, the real number is actually closer to seven. Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn’t want to appear a floozy), but mostly it’s sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet. Common excuses that lead to such an omission: The actual sex lasted only a few thrusts; or she was drunk or on the rebound.

Penglipur Lara: I may be celibate, but I like that term, “sexual amnesia” 🙂

5) I fantasized about being with you at least a dozen times before we actually first got naked.

Penglipur Lara: Hehehehe, guilty as charged!

6) I still think about my ex-boyfriends and compare them to you. Mostly you win. Sometimes not.

7) I have Googled your exes.


Penglipur Lara: Errrmm tempted but really, no time for such things.

8) When I’m falling in love with you, I completely lose my appetite.

9) My body really isn’t naturally this hairless and smooth all over. But I will never allow you to see any indication whatsoever of all the shaving, tweezing, waxing, exfoliating, and moisturizing that gets it this way.

10) I only appear to have it all together. My true organization (or lack thereof) is revealed in my closet, my makeup bag, my desk files.

11) I have discovered your porn stash and your frequently visited porn websites and think the things that turn you on are hilarious.



Penglipur Lara: Errrmm no time for such things.

12) When I say, “I’m ready,” I’ll need exactly 7 more minutes to get ready. Don’t try to cheat the system by showing up 7 minutes later; I will still need an extra 7 minutes.

13) When I say, “I’ll meet you in 15 minutes,” I mean I will leave in 15 minutes, and thus won’t actually arrive for at least 30 (but probably more like 40).

Penglipur Lara: I shall not argue with the two points above!

14) You’ve made me cry more times than you’ll ever know.

15) I obsess about when you’re going to call me again. The period of time between our first date and your “Thanks for a great night; when can I see you again?” always seems stretched into slow motion. So don’t worry about looking too eager. Call. Even if you only wait until noon the day after, it will feel like a lifetime to me. And don’t send me an e-mail unless you want me to put you in the figurative trash can along with your message.

Penglipur Lara: Uh-huh! Yep!…

16) I want you to talk a little dirty.

Penglipur Lara: Oh yes! Oh yes!

17) At the beginning of our relationship, I save all of your voice mails and listen to them (and make my friends listen, too), repeatedly.

Penglipur Lara: Err…nope. Storage problem.

18) I might wear granny underwear and purposely not shave my legs because I like you. As crazy as it sounds, the more I like you, the less likely I am to sleep with you on an early date, because I don’t want to sabotage having a “proper” relationship with you. So I just might purposely hunt out the ugliest underwear in my drawer and not shave my legs — all to prevent myself from getting naked with you too soon. Sometimes I might get a little tipsy or carried away, and this plan will backfire.

Penglipur Lara: Oh this is so true! No matter how badly I want to throw myself at him, I just wouldn’t if he’s something special.

19) I split the cost of my fashion purchases over two or more credit cards, so you don’t notice the gargantuan deficit.


Penglipur Lara: And only bring them out of the closet after a couple of months, in stages so you won’t notice either J


20) I’m constantly testing you.

I observe, analyze, and judge every action, word, gesture, e-mail, and facial expression. When I ask you if you want to have a threesome, I don’t mean it. If you want me to speak to you again, let alone sleep with you after this conversation, the answer should always be, “Why would I want to sleep with another woman when I have you?”
Penglipur Lara: Guys, please remember this!

21) I check out your butt every time you leave the room.


Penglipur Lara: Only if you have a nice sexy butt 🙂

22) I need constant indications that you want me around. That’s why it’s better, for example, to say, “I want you to come away with me for the weekend. Could you come with me?” than to ask, “What are you up to this weekend?”

Penglipur Lara: Yes, I totally agree – how would I know if he’s so into me if he doesn’t make it clearer? Communicate, communicate, communicate!

23) I love it when you get a little jealous. So if you ever see me flirting in front of you with the waiter, the bus driver, or another guy at a party, know I’m actually flirting with you — through him.


Penglipur Lara: Hehehe women really are complicated huh?

24) Even though I may complain that I don’t see you enough (or that you work too hard), I find nothing sexier than watching you put on a suit in the morning and rush off to work.
25) I start fights with you because I’m feeling ignored. I’m trying to force emotion out of you. Don’t retreat into your cave; just give me what I want: some attention. And never tell me to “calm down,” unless you want to guarantee that I absolutely won’t.



Penglipur Lara: This is something men won’t understand.

26) Even if I insist on paying or splitting the bill on our first date, I’ll think you’re cheap if you let me.


Penglipur Lara:This is Cardinal Rule #1

27) I may find your best friend repulsive, but I’ve fantasized about sleeping with him. Not because I want him, but because I want a piece of a guy who is so close to you.



Penglipur Lara:Errrmm…really?

28) If I’m going to break up with you, all of my friends know way before you do. I’ve been talking about it for 2 weeks.

29) When we do break up, I put all photographs of you and mementos of our relationship in a shoe box and store it in my closet. Just in case I get nostalgic. Just in case you come back.

Penglipur Lara: Darn, I should be clearing up pictures of The Ex-Hubby by now, but the wedding pictures look nice though.

30) I want you to take control in bed. Yes, I have a successful career, I’m financially independent, I live on my own, and I don’t need a man to make me happy (in theory). I still want you to pick me up, carry me to the bedroom, and take without asking.

Penglipur Lara: I totally agree!



Like expecting gold…

American essayist and nature writer, Maurice Setter (1817-1862) once wrote: “Too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting gold.”


Maybe that’s why I kept missing the train when it comes to relationships, and I find it difficult to fall in love because I was hoping to find someone who has the right chemistry. Perhaps, the right chemistry is something we develop as we go along?


I was having a conversation on this with a chat friend, Roadrunner some time long ago. He didn’t agree with me totally. He said, “I thought so but might not always be true. There are instances when the attraction is mutual immediately but it is how the relationship develops later that will depend on other factors. But expecting or waiting for such things is a futile effort. Attraction can be instant but friendship takes time.”

Roadrunner said: “Ahh…life is like that. When you like someone, they don’t like you. When someone likes you, you don’t like them. I have always thought that the chance of both liking each other is so remote. But when things come together, you wonder how, through all the improbable circumstances, you could actually meet and find each other. It is as if fated. Sometimes it is when you least expect it.”

I thought aloud, “So, it’s just like expecting gold.”


To which Roadrunner retorted: “Don’t stop expecting gold. Just don’t expect platinum…”



Truth, like surgery, may hurt


As prominent writer on modern Chinese and Asian subjects, Han Suyin, who is author of the novels, “A Many-Splendoured Thing” (which was made into the 1955 movie “Love Is a Many Splendored Thing”), “Till Morning Comes”, “The Enchantress”, “Four Faces”, and “The Mountain is Young”, puts it, “Truth, like surgery, may hurt, but it cures.”
The truth is, expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. But, in any case, I will be a “vegetarian” nonetheless. I do not mean being vegetarian by forgoing meat. By going vegetarian, I mean practicing celibacy by choice. In today’s colloquial term, people who are practicing celibacy by choice are called “vegetarians”.




I do not care if people think I am such a politically correct nerd and not cool or hip for standing my ground on “no love and commitment, no sex”. Simply put I subscribe to neither pre-marital sex nor extra-marital sex. I do not care if you call me “old fashioned”.

To share my experience, I have been told by one of my dates sometime ago that I am old fashioned. I was told that I am not “open minded” because of my “no love and commitment, no sex” principle.

I find it so disgusting that some of my dates was asking me about my stand on sex and if I am “open-minded”. Indeed, the gentleman is a dying breed. That question is so uncouth and disrespectful, considering we have not even begun to really get to know each other, and they pop up the sex question. I wonder if getting to know each other really important at all to them?

Is being “open minded” means you are being sexually available?


Perhaps those who think that are the ones who are actually “closed minded”. In fact they have a “one track mind”. Do they really know what being “open minded” means?I believe the politically correct definition of being an open minded person is someone who understands and accepts people as they are, without judgment and with respect. Being open minded means you are not judging people based on your own values, but theirs. 


On that note, I do not put a label on them for being sexually available, so do not pass judgment on me for being sexually not available. It is my right to be or not to be celibate, whatever I choose.

It seems to me that the world today has a big population of non-committal people who are not into romance and committed relationships. They just want to flirt around, play the field, and then get away with murder. Be it the singles or the married ones.

What do you think?