Being the hopeful optimistic that I have always been, I believe that the best is yet to come. No matter how I feel at this moment, I will get up, dress up and show up! I thought I have found what I’m looking for but I’ve been mistaken again.
My whirlwind romance and engagement has come to an end after 3 months. Everything happened just like a dream. A dream in some parts. A nightmare, in some parts. Whatever it is, it ended when I awoke. I would be writing a novel if I were to tell everything that happened. So, I’ll skip that part.
Let’s just say, he’s not what I’m looking for and he’s far from what I hoped he would be. Maybe I’m being silly idealistic and not realistic, so blame it on me, what have you lah. But in any case, I don’t think the relationship is going to work. He hasn’t let go of his late wife who passed away more than 11 years ago, and I’m constantly being compared to her. Unless he lets go of her and moves on with his new life, marriage would only spell DISASTER for us. It’s not fair to me.
And it’s not fair to him either, I haven’t fully let go of The Ex-Hubby either. I have let him go, and yet I haven’t. I’m not pining for him to come back, and yet I know I won’t have the strength to turn him away if he does come back. Complicated huh? That’s love.
I think I’ve made a mistake. I can’t grow a rose in a desert, no matter what it would be futile. This journey has many more miles to go before I can sleep. But I don’t want to regret this, as I believe there’s a silver lining in every cloud. Perhaps this break-up is for the best, and I wish him only the best too. I redha with qada and qadar, and pray to Allah for strength and resilience. Tough times don’t last. Tough people do. InsyaAllah!