I cried every night the whole of last three weeks. I cried because it’s over. Yeah, I guess it’s really over now. This love shines so brightly like fireworks. This love disappears so quickly like one too. This love cannot outshine Romeo and Juliet by any measure of the day. Yet, it really must have been love for me. Otherwise I wouldn’t be crying bucketful of tears that my eyes look like Garfield.
I think I’ve cried all out to my heart’s content. There are also no more tears for me to cry. Besides, I’m in danger of dehydration and could be at risk of suffering from a Broken Heart Syndrome. The phrase refers to the physical pain one may feel in the chest as a result of the loss. Really, my heart literally hurts after nights of crying myself to sleep.
I read that one could actually die of a broken heart. I’m not kidding. Although “heartbreak” is usually a metaphor, there is a condition — appropriately known as Broken Heart Syndrome — where a traumatizing incident triggers the brain to distribute chemicals that weaken heart tissue.
Yup, loss of love is traumatic. I lost weight. I lost my appetite – I didn’t eat the whole day. I’m having stomach pain. I’m feeling nausea. I’m apathetic. I felt hopeless. I feel lonely. I feel fatigue. I felt like crying and at odd hours too. I couldn’t sleep because I have insomnia. I’ve been ill frequently. I’ve not been this heart-broken since my ex-husband left me.
I’ve not felt this intense with anyone else before my ex-husband. So this firework really must have been love. Oh well…it’s over now. I must get over him. I must get over this broken heart.
After three weeks of being emotionally drained and numbed after the tears, I stopped crying tonight. I’m a survivor. I’m a fighter. I can’t let myself die of a broken heart, can I? Can I? If I can survive having my heart broken by an unfaithful ex-husband whom I had loved for 15 years, surely I can survive this one easily.
Tomorrow will be a brand new day. I will be a brand new person. It will be a brand new life. Live while I can. Love while I can. Be happy while I can. Have something (worthwhile) to do. Have someone to love (whether or not he loves me back). Have something to hope for.
I don’t want to cry because it’s over. I want to smile because it happened. I remember that saying, it’s better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.