I confess. I like to be right. Sometimes, my desire to be right brings me a lot pain. This is especially so when it comes to men, and my man nonetheless.
I have an ideal of the man who’s right for me. He has the right look, height, level of intellect, personality, academic and social background. He must have a good sense of humour. He is very loving, caring and romantic. He is a good kisser and is great in bed.
Having just turned 20 (plus 18 years) 10 days ago, and thus leaving my giggly teen years behind (hehehe), I’m no longer naïve and innocent. This idealistic girl has grown into a realistic woman.
I hate to be wrong. Nevertheless, it is very clear to me that I have been wrong for many years about the “right man”.
Being idealistic, I was misled by my ridiculous ideals of my youth. As Homer (Greek author of Iliad and the Odyssey) puts it, in youth and beauty, wisdom is but rare. Opportunely I landed on earth before I start to drift away aimlessly into outer space.
Humbly, now I confess my ideal man doesn’t exist. This explains why I keep ending up with the “right man” who treats me wrong, and the “wrong man” who treats me right.
As my German yoga teacher, Anna Kaster always told me, the mind will play tricks on us. The mind will rationalize everything we feel, and hijack our intuition which comes from the heart.
My failed marriage was an example of this intuition hijacking. When I was young and foolish, I followed my mom’s advice to marry a man for his future. I picked one of the best in my college; he was intelligent, articulate, good looking, tall and charming. He was not rich but his future looked promising. So yes, I married a man for “his” future and not for “our” future.
Before our wedding I had this strong intuition to not go on with the wedding plans because something was terribly wrong. I was right about my intuition; The Ex-Hubby made a woman in Sandakan pregnant, he found out just a month before marrying me. He kept it a secret from me for seven years. My disillusioned mind was far from fetching this intuition, so I ignored that sinking feeling and carried on with the wedding. The wedding cards have been sent out after all.
Now that I’m older and wiser, I’m going to listen to my heart and follow my intuition, especially when it comes to my man. I won’t marry a man for “his” future, because how would I know what he’d be like in the future and what his future would look like. Who can really tell what the future looks like?
I’ll marry a man for “our” future, a man who is willing to build a future with me. Whatever that future is going to be, we will stick together and build it. Till death do us part, I hope.