Keeping Busy

“One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself,” Lucille Ball (1911-1989), the Comic Actress once said.
Similarly, for me, to take my minds off The Ex-Hubby and the things that he did to hurt me, I have been keeping busy for the last five years. It worked for a couple of years, but now I find myself too busy for me to handle things. I not only outdid and overdid myself, but I have also overstretched myself.
If only this is likened to my height, I would have grown-by-stretching by 5 inches. Intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and socially my horizons have expanded beyond my expectations in the past five years.

Looking back, I now thank The Ex-Hubby for upsetting my apple cart and for making me realise there is more to it to life than him. I used to live my life for him.

Now that the storms have pacified and the sea is calm, I am able to reflect and climbed up another rung in my self awareness ladder.

I realise this – while “keeping busy” has met its objective in easing the hurt, it hasn’t unearthed the roots of the hurt – and it’s rotting. It hasn’t stopped the bleeding. It just put a band-aid over the old still-bleeding wound.

My point is, “keeping busy” has kept me in denial – things look alright because being a SURVIVOR of an ordeal makes most people look like a picture of resilience and strength, and nothings get her down. If only they know, I am not THAT strong, not THAT invincible, and not THAT hero some people wanted me to be. I am just human, and I am vulnerable.

In keeping busy, I have denied myself a natural healing process, by confronting the hurt and dealing with it by taking the bull by the horn. I took the easy way out – by riding the bull instead, with a vengeance too. Now, I am feeling the pain and hurt all over again.

But I do know this – I must get out of this SURVIVOR mode and get into THRIVER mode.

About Nel Fahro-Rozi

I’m an avid reader, prolific wordsmith, cat lover, and passionate foodie and traveler. When I’m not in a world of my own with any of the above, I am an entrepreneur, communicator and writer. View all posts by Nel Fahro-Rozi

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