Looking back, I now thank The Ex-Hubby for upsetting my apple cart and for making me realise there is more to it to life than him. I used to live my life for him.
Now that the storms have pacified and the sea is calm, I am able to reflect and climbed up another rung in my self awareness ladder.
I realise this – while “keeping busy” has met its objective in easing the hurt, it hasn’t unearthed the roots of the hurt – and it’s rotting. It hasn’t stopped the bleeding. It just put a band-aid over the old still-bleeding wound.
My point is, “keeping busy” has kept me in denial – things look alright because being a SURVIVOR of an ordeal makes most people look like a picture of resilience and strength, and nothings get her down. If only they know, I am not THAT strong, not THAT invincible, and not THAT hero some people wanted me to be. I am just human, and I am vulnerable.
In keeping busy, I have denied myself a natural healing process, by confronting the hurt and dealing with it by taking the bull by the horn. I took the easy way out – by riding the bull instead, with a vengeance too. Now, I am feeling the pain and hurt all over again.