Friday, September 29, 2006
Ever heard that popular adage, “it’s never over til the fat lady sings”? Coined by a sportswriter and broadcaster Dan Cook, it was a form of self-assurance (or in denial) in the face of long odd, often muttered when things look grim.
Things did look a little grim today. It shouldn’t be, but I couldn’t help my tears when I heard that my ex-husband had recently remarried.
I heard he went to Manila, the Phillippines to get married with The Other Woman. From what I know, they’ve been having an affair since the year before he left me four years ago. He must be in love with her for remaining with her for these many years. His two other extra-marital affairs only lasted a month or two.
Jogging down the memory lane, four years ago I was terribly devastated and deeply hurt by his betrayal. It was my fault that my entire universe revolved around him. When he deserted me without a word, except for a short sms to tell me that our marriage was over, I thought I would die of a broken heart. I didn’t. Nonetheless, I still am a little hurt after all these years. Perhaps because he is still very much a part of me. I know that because I cried myself to sleep after hearing the news.
As Sheryl Crow sang, “first love is the deepest, first cut is the deepest…” He was afterall my first love, my first hurt.
I guess I haven’t really let go of him. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why I couldn’t fully commit to a relationship with another man. I have to let him go.
I thinks things would have been a lot easier for me, if he had given me a proper closure in ending our relationship. He never once told me in person he was sorry for what he did to me. Just saying sorry to me in my face would make a big difference to me. I guess his ego is thicker than The Great Wall of China.
But hey, then again, I don’t want to be a sore loser. I may lose in this game, but I did learn great lessons.
Guess what, “it’s never over til the fat lady sings”…
Nonetheless, because we were together for a good 14 years and half of that time I was married to him, my love for him has become somewhat unconditional, it cannot be undone. So much so that I am happy that he is happy with his choice.
Like energy, love cannot dissolve, it just evolves…
He wrote in his break-up e-mail to me that his ideal had changed. Suddenly he realised I’m no longer his ideal. Whatever lah!
Nonetheless, I’m happy that he has found his ideal, whatever that means. Honestly, I really am.