My well-meaning aunt recently introduced me to one of her husband’s close friend. This candidate is a 40 years old bachelor who runs his family’s palm oil plantation and is also a small time builder in Johor. Better grab him, as he’s cash rich and has lots of properties, kind, tall and not bad looking either, my aunt told me. Rugi kalau tak cekup, she said. Hmmm…I dunno why but I get cheesed off with remarks like that, even from a very well meaning relative. Money is no doubt important in life, it’s just not at the top of my list in choosing my life partner. I’m not a gold digger, you know. That’s against my principles, for God’s sake. I was asked by a close guy friend, Graveyard Shift sometime ago what my criteria are, and I said:
- Religion – he has to be a practicing Muslim and has faith in Allah, or one who is willing to embrace Islam on his own accord, not just for the sake of marriage
- Character – he has to have more than just an interesting personality, character is deeper as it develops one’s integrity and makes one to become responsible, accountable, gentle and kind to everyone and everything in life
- Education – this is important because it would hinder good flow of communication between the two of us if he cannot understand and appreciate half the things I’m saying. It will be tiresome having to lower down my standards everytime to meet him halfway (believe me, I’ve been there before!). Also important is how he uses his education – and how he uses his brain, tongue and hands. Seriously, I cannot imagine the suffering of being married to a bodoh sombong or a slow dim witted drongo…
- Sense of humor – if I’m gonna spend at least half a day with him everyday, he better have a good dose of this priceless commodity
- Looks – not necessarily good looking, but he has to look good (in my eyes at least) because I want someone I like to look at everyday (hehehe I cannot just cover the face, hit the base only lah, that really kills my passion for that thang!)
- Ambition – not to rule the world, that is, just a strong desire and commitment to make quality of life better for the both of us and our family
- Money – I’m not going to be the bread winner and support my man financially, so he better have means to support himself and our family
The two things that bind everything in my criteria list are chemistry and compatibility. Quoting Oprah Winfrey, “Maybe step one is compatibility. I’m not talking about the kind of chemistry that flames out with the first hint of stress; I mean the kind that deepens, sweetens, and strengthens into genuine intimacy, the kind that sustains people through kids and carpools, stomach flus and mortgage payments .” One of the things I worry about well meaning relatives trying to match make me with someone they like is that I don’t like him as much as they do. I don’t think he meets my requirements and specs. How do I turn him down and my aunt’s hope and still make everyone happy? Help!!!! Why can’t I have an intelligent, witty, gentle, kind, responsible, nice-look-at homo sapien who has a good character, sense of humor, a bit of ambition and money for a partner? Has the world run out of such men?
Hehehe I know I’m being stringent in my requirements and specs for a life partner but must I compromise so much in getting the right fit? Must I? Must I? Must I?